• oglory 31w

    R.I.P to the best damn teacher my small town high school ever knew

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    For C (You Touched Lives, You Know)

    You touched lives, you know
    I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of people I know personally whose lives you made a difference in
    I don’t have enough toes to count the number of times you changed mine, either
    You saved my life, you know

    Every day for four and a half years

    I was thirteen when I met you- no
    No, I’d been fourteen for just about three months, I think
    I think so
    It was the summer of 2010, grade 8 + 1/2
    You’d sat the class down and were giving us a chat about professionalism
    I raised my hand and asked if you’d ever spit in someone’s food before
    You were appalled, and that scared the hell out of me
    I was just trying to be funny
    I was a stupid kid like that
    I just wanted to be liked by someone, anyone, for any reason- I just wanted someone to think I was worth something

    I was a stupid kid and you thought I was worth something anyway
    You were good like that

    You used to drive me home from school
    Not sure you were supposed to, by school rules, or something, but that never stopped you
    It was a fifteen minute drive, max, but you’d run errands on the way, and we’d do so much gabbing that it’d be drawn out to an hour’s drive, at minimum
    You told me about your stuffed spider (you named him Boris, I’ll never forget) and you told me about your rescue dogs (you loved those beasts to the ends of the earth and back, I’ll never forget how much of a wreck you were when Rosie died; you should have taken time off to grieve, you old bastard, but you didn’t)
    You told me about the time you went hunting for the first time
    You shot a beaver, but didn’t kill it; it escaped and you beat yourself up over it for months, you said; it was plain as day to see, even for me, that you were still beating yourself up over it, 40 some-odd years later
    I don’t think I realized back then just how much your feelings are you up inside, but by now I’m damn sure you realized that I was the same
    Maybe that’s why you were so good to me
    I’ll never know; it’s too late for me to ask you now

    You didn’t make me into someone I could be proud of
    You showed me I already had things to be proud of
    You showed me I was already someone that already deserved people being proud of her
    I never told you how much that meant to me, never told you that never before in my life had someone ever told me
    That I was something they could be proud of, but you figured it out yourself
    You called my parents’ house after not two months of knowing me, to tell my parents that I WAS something that everybody should have been proud of
    You did this several times over the course of a month
    When I heard the messages I hid in my room and cried
    No one had ever tried to teach me that I was something valuable before you, you know

    I will never forget how much you did for me
    I will never forget how much you changed me for the better
    I will never stop growing stronger, thanks to you
    Nothing will ever tear me down hard enough that I won’t get back up again
    Because of you and all you did for me I am quite confident now that I can be successful and that it’s my own version of success I should be chasing

    I’m not sad you’re gone; it was just your time, I suppose
    I’m mad the cancer is what took you, sure as shit, but it can’t be helped now
    You’re the one who taught me how to let go and move on, though, so I’m not going to abandon your teachings just to curse out whichever higher power it was who presided over your death; you weren’t a religious man, either, so I won’t stress over that any more than you would want me to (ie. none at all)
    I just hope you’re proud of yourself
    I hold you know it’s okay for you to go; there’s no shame in cutting your losses and taking a knee when you know there’s no winning, after all
    It’s not really giving up, as far as I’m concerned; just realizing when clinging to the past won’t heal anybody and focusing instead on the future (though I wonder if it was hard or scary to realize that future was one for your family without you in it)

    I want you to know that you’re missed, and you’re loved, and you’re appreciated; I want you to know that I personally will see to it that you’re never forgotten (everyone else whose lives you touched will do their parts too, of course)
    I want you to know that your life is something to be proud of for the rest of eternity

    Cheers, C
    Rest easy now