'they say they love you and to stay by your side'
but then you see their eyes and feel like
they are already gone.
you were the same.
the goodbye i never really said.
it was hard for me to swallow your absence.
initially you sat by my side
by my heart. making me hollow from inside.
i screamed 'i am full'
but you didn't stop feeding your lies.
after few days your love started bleeding from my mouth.
painting the home red where you used to stay.
burning each brick.
while i just tried to search you in the ashes.
have you ever loved someone so much
that carried the aftermath as guilt?
their promises feel like a lump in the throat
and you swallow it with sadness like
drinking sweetest poison ever.
but you were different.
always there, weren't you?
even after those unsaid goodbye.
you were hiding neath the dirt in my fingernails.
draped in the sheets after i made love with strangers.
smiling on the edge of my lips
and exactly on the tip of my tongue when i said
'i love you' to all the people who came after you.
now i close my eyes and try
to carve the path from my eyelids
to your heart.
rebuilding the burnt home in your iris.
getting drunk in your every detail
till i am dizzy.
but all i am able to do is hide inside
my cold heart, where the grasses are yellow
and skin is bare. where birds are singing
the song about sorrow.
and finally you walk towards me. one step at a time.
and death never looked more beautiful than
those remorseful eyes.