• not_ruined 6w

    Five Years Later

    I am still not sure how my mom and I survived that day.... The day we lost you. It feels like yesterday still but it was 5 years ago today. That whole summer was a blur. Four days after the fourth of July we found out you had cancer and that it was terminal. They said you had less than six months to live but you only lasted one. I remember staying up all night downstairs with you making sure you got to the bathroom OK during those last two weeks you could still walk. I remember watching TV with you while you were stuck in bed and depressed about our other relative who died that summer. We know you must've known you were dying. After a while you stopped asking us what the doctor said to us. You were in pain and the pain wasn't going away despite all the medication you were taking. Sorry we didn't tell you but we didn't want you to be scared or worried for us. I cried so hard the day before you passed away anticipating losing you. I don't remember feeling pain like that as an adult prior to that day. Every day for a long time afterwards felt hollow and empty without you.
    Now it's five years later and I'm a different person. I sleep in the bed that you died in. Before you died you saw me struggle to find any kind of work, and you would always say "You'll find a job soon." Now I have three. None of them are glamorous but you were right. I have dreadlocks now. You would always say I looked like Whoopi Goldberg as I was growing my hair out before I got it locked. Maybe you saw a glimpse of me in the future before you left. I miss you. Mom misses you. But we know that you're all better now.