You know how it feels when someone you loved rapes you? When someone you trusted blindly outrages your modesty. And when that someone is someone you trusted with all your heart and soul. He's someone with whom you decided to take the big step in life. You started trusting him so blindly and he never failed you in between too. Apart from the times he was dominant over you to fulfill his whims and fancies. His lustful desires. He asked you to meet him someday one day This day was meant to be special for you both This was a day where you both were going to move a level above in the ladder of relationship/togetherness. But when you met he was all about himself He wanted you to satisfy his evil desires. He forced you literally into stuff you weren't meant to be doing in your first time He gave you pain. Pain that is not only physical but mental emotional leaving deep scars in your soul and leaving your body as a dirty piece of cloth after being profusely utilised to gratify one's desires. You realize all you wanted was the first time to be special but he made it a scarred memory which will forever haunt you as you try to get intimate to anyone in this world ever again. You realise the pain in your bones you're feeling today will always and always remind you of that darkest night when you took a decision for your own self. The biggest decision perhaps for yourself in this world of patriarchy and that one decision proved to be a hell. You'll somewhere become weak. Somewhere you'll loose your self your identity. And your zealth. Because that time will haunt you like nothing you have experienced. BECAUSE YOU WERE RAPED BY THE ONE YOU LOVED. Those scars in your body will bleed the story of that horrendously ghastly night when trust faith and belief lost it's meaning and every moment you spent there felt like someone was punishing you for being a woman and a bold woman. Being a woman who can take her decisions. His act won't just be shattering your faith but your decision making power your confidence your braving heart. For a long while you'll fall into the pit of depression. For a long while you'll start questioning all your decisions. For a long while you'll be afraid to make a decision until someone comes and mends you. Puts together your broken pieces because you could not even do that on yoir own. Why? Because you never knew you were broken but you felt you were damaged and were beyond reparable. The cost of trust we women pay at times. The cost of boldness women pay at times The cost of trusting people pay at times. The cost of being optimistic and being blind people pay at times.