• koreblack 6w

    Somebody Else

    It rained the entire time you were in Europe
    My stomach rang with no answer
    While you did too
    I don’t think either of us meant to break a heart
    Growing apart I guess that’s just the outcome
Projections and justifying avoidance and lying 
To each others face while we laid in bed 
You were the best thing to happen to me 
And then the worst thing
    And then nothing

    I undressed in solitary darkness
    Impressed by the way you turned our apartment
    Into a spitting image of my parents house 
Found myself reliving years I hadn’t thought about 
Since then 
You fought harder to keep the walls 
Than the thing that made them “home”
    I had to make you leave before history 
Repeated itself all over again 

The stranger sleeping on the sofa 
You didn’t look like you 
Pale and blue in tv flicker 
I grew thinner and I grew sicker 
Held prisoner by my fear I buried 
Myself in horror books 
Seven hundred pages in two days 
How to get away without losing all of it
    At least
    My mind was removed from the lease
    Packed a bag and went looking for peace elsewhere 

I don’t care about who swung first 
Who did the most damage or who had it worse
Baby everybody puts baby in a corner
    When you shove my back against it
    Isn’t shoving back expected?
    I am not a hateful person
I can be grateful for the person 
That showed me my own ugly 
So that I could see the truth
    Took over seven years of my youth to say 
I loved you more than I loved myself
    And I am healthier with you gone

    What does it matter who was wrong 
We were wrong for each other 
If I forgave you and you’d stayed you’d have seen me
    Become my mother 
Before I became my own being 
There is freedom in believing that I will be okay 
I’ll move on and I will heal and I can finally leave LA
    And know I gave it all I could 
I don’t know if you would recognize or like me now 
If you could only see just how much I’ve changed 
These growing pains don’t feel the same as they did last year 
I’m still here in this home and body 
But I’m somebody else