• narft1011 5w

    Silence me

    I don't know why words started hurting so much but they recently feel like shards of glass I'm swallowing every time I say them, and drowning when I hear. But constantly being told your own words are too much is like gasping for air. I wasn't told this till these recent years that I cut people off never given others a chance. That I need to give others a chance. That I sometimes don't know when to stop. They don't know that their words are like broken glass stabbing me, slicing me in little cuts on my skin. I'm only so big for so many of these cuts. And I'm starting to feel them not healing the same way anymore. Their wounds are starting to leave harable marks. I dont understand why I can't let go of these slits on my skin. But my mind is now starting to betray me. what if Maybe their right. Maybe silence would be a better thing for everyone. Maybe I wouldn't make the ones I love want to think things about me could be better if the words stop. If the mouth just stopped working. Stopped the nonsencess of wanting to be heard. Maybe my words would stop being hurtful thoughts inside if they can't break free around me. Maybe this would be better for everyone if I was only air breathing around them. Just light air, my moments locked in tight. My memory and thoughts to myself. My ideas bottled for only stories on pages for one day to only be seen and not spoke loud for ears to hate me in. People seem to like silence from things that are too loud. I'm too loud for my own love ones. Too loud and I need to breathe. That's why I need to breathe. Breathe and silence everything. Maybe if I surrender my outside it will eventually silence my inside. This person trapped inside me trying to learn how to handle her stress of not being enough. That her mistakes did not make or break her, but rather burried her further down than she could breathe in. That her lungs could not take all the breath she was suppose to inhale through dealing with the moments of going left rather than staying right. She had one good thing after another and her brain learned to ruin it all time and time again. To break the good things most don't get a chance to have. Learing to be better is not good enough anymore for her. She should know enough to just breathe and only breathe. But silence might be a good thing for those around her to not break those pieces of her anymore. To not slice her bad choices. So some part of her could just have a chance to feel good enough. To help her understand she will always be enough to keep even in her darkest of thoughts, in her bleakest of days. Because between the hardness of this life pulling her down she has hidden a light that needs, that wants to burst free. So maybe if I breath. This light will one day be free, but for now words are destroying me.