• satyamdharia 30w

    Sometimes, I wonder
    What life really is
    How big it is
    How worth it is
    How far your dreams are
    That it seems impossible to grab it
    But some doesn’t let that happen
    Cause they never stop learning to fly
    And here I am
    Sitting inside the church
    Questioning my existence
    My worthiness
    My value
    My life
    Its so cold and heavy
    Why?
    Thinking of ways
    How to kill the pain
    Forever
    Ironic isn’t it?
    When they can see the light
    And I cannot
    When they can smile and be happy
    And I cannot let myself be
    When they can take care of themselves
    And I am here cutting myself
    Burden and guilt was always there
    No, I’m not telling it’s your fault
    I do not blame you
    Cause it is, I
    It is my whole self
    Why am I like this?
    Lacking and useless
    I think my old friend is finding
    A new home to sleep in
    My old friend,
    With her blinding nothingness
    Painful darkness
    Melancholic ambience
    I am smiling
    I do
    I am crying
    I do
    It feels good right?
    I don’t know
    How does it feel?
    The real pain
    The real smile
    The real happiness
    I don’t
    I don’t feel anything
    Numbness
    Emptiness
    I can’t explain it
    It’s unexplainable
    I don’t have time
    Cause even if I want to
    I just can’t
    Don’t let me do it
    Don’t force me to do it
    I don’t know
    What to say
    I want you to understand me
    But I can’t make you do it
    Why?
    Why so?
    Inside of me
    Wants to take it alone
    I don’t want to let you know
    It’s mine, why bother?
    I don’t want to worry you
    I don’t want to hurt you
    I don’t want you to feel the same pain
    It is the safest place to hide
    I don’t want to be a burden
    I don’t want to be a troublesome
    I don’t want to be useless
    I want to be perfect
    That I can help everyone
    But I can’t.
    And if I asked you to let me go,
    You won’t let me.
    You will feel the pain you should not feel.
    So I won’t asked you anymore,
    I am here to say that
    ‘Please be happy,
    You are alive.
    You are living,
    You should live.
    Don’t be like me.
    Please be happy for me.
    I will travel faraway
    Until I see what life really meant to be
    Goodbye.’...

    Fighting to live,
    Suicidal person


    The poem is not intended to trigger those who are in the same situation, to offend them or to hurt them. I want to make people aware of what does depression means and how it affects everything in life. I want to let people know who are also suffering from depression or in great pains that you may not able to say those words, you may not able to explain those pains. You are not alone. Somebody wants to hear you out. Don't be afraid, we are here to listen. I know its hard, its been always so hard but you've already had enough. Don't be hurt anymore. You are loved. You deserve all the love and happiness there should be in the world. Don't hurt yourself. You are more special than what you think you are. You are amazing....

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    Depression: Entrance of hell
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    ©satyamdharia