I recall the spell of youth and innocence; a stint when death and loss were instruments of despair and despondency. As a side effect, the fear metamorphosed into anticipation, and due to its excess, in no time, it became a habit. I embarked on death while still being rife with life.
He was a glimpse of it; something I had longed since aeons. But the ambiguity he was covered in, was frightening nonetheless. He would straighten his collar, pull up his sleeves or shrug his coat, and I'd feel the end come closer, but he left me half baked each time.
"Is it snowing outside?" he mellowed a carefree whisper.
"Can you fetch me snowflakes, lots of 'em; I love how they melt on my skin, slowing dying, but leaving me with a moment of pleasure." heaving his head high, he basked in the dim light of the blurry and scratched skylight, and exerted a long sigh.
"Why me?" I asked in a cracking voice.
"Like a dusty old record, you're spinning on the same track over and over! Reese had a similar fetish of seeking for answers." he feigned gasping and continued :
"One night, I had a nightmare, and she was beside me. Like a good wife, she consoled her husband and told him she'd fix everything and protect her family. I warned her that something inside scares me, but a mountain that she was, not for a moment did her will shake.
Next morning, I drowned our children in the tub, and when she tried to save them, I dug out her heart from her chest place, and she could do nothing."
I thought he'd halt and distract away into the fickleness, but he decided otherwise :
"Ain't it sad, number 38, that we're all so fragile and frail but dumb enough to vow to be the impenetrable shields for others while being cracked, without embracing the weaknesses we possess.
In an endless lie, we live, and when it breaks we cry.
I always thought Reese was special, different. I perceived, that maybe, she truly could wrap me in her warm blanket, but she was merely another snowflake, that perished on my skin.
No one can protect me, everyone I love can't even do that for themselves, so now I decide when I let them part from me.