• hecallsmebabygirl 5w

    my biggest fear

    isn’t my health decreasing
    isn’t gaining weight
    isn’t failing school

    my biggest fear,
    the nightmare that haunts me
    the thoughts that cause me to stop breathing
    the ideas that fester in my mind until my cheeks are dripping with salty tears
    is losing you.

    that one day, i won’t be the one you want anymore.

    that one day you’ll wake up and your heart will have drained itself of any love for me.

    that one day you’ll look into my chocolate coloured eyes and see them as dull and boring.

    that one day you’ll see my face and focus on the pimples, the blemishes, the imperfections.

    that one day you’ll touch me and your fingers will curl away in disgust.

    that the thought of kissing me. of hugging me. of being with me sickens you.

    that you’ll look at other girls and wish you were with them. that you were holding their hand instead of mine. that you kissed their check instead of mine. that you sleep in their bed instead of mine.

    my biggest fear
    the one that makes me stop breathing
    the one that makes me shake and cry uncontrollably
    the one that scares me beyond anything

    is that one day, you’ll move on. you’ll leave. you’ll leave me.

    and I’ll still hold on. because what else do i have? nothing. i have nothing without you. one day, any day, you could leave me. and I’ll just be here, nothing, without you.