In the beginning, I apologized for funny things, because I loved you.
I'm sorry for throwing away the leftover chicken,
I'm sorry for eating the last cookie without offering it to you,
Then we had our first argument,
For that I apologized too,
I'm sorry for being so hot headed,
The first time you were angered for me not wanting "it," I apologized too,
I'm sorry for not thinking of you and your needs, no matter how much I didn't want "it."
That night I woke up in the car with no idea where you drove me, and I heard the lock of the doors as you pulled down your pants and grabbed me,
I'm sorry for crying that night
I'm sorry I even put up a fight.
That time I tried to walk away when the argument began to escalate,
I'm sorry that you had to waste your energy and effort grabbing arm and throwing me back because you weren't finished yelling at me.
For that time I tried to break up with you because it felt right for me and for my health because I was done with being hurt,
I'm sorry I made you so upset you threatened to kill yourself and me.
I said I was sorry a thousand times over,
I never understood why I always said it to someone so undeserving, so callous, so cruel, so hateful, so controlling
Then one day I realized I wasn't apologizing to you.
I was apologizing to myself.
So to myself:
I'm sorry you thought you deserved to be treated like that,
I'm sorry you thought that was the love you were worthy of,
I'm sorry you cried yourself to sleep,
I'm sorry I didn't give you enough courage to just walk away,
I'm sorry you lost all your friends,
I'm sorry you gave it all up for someone who did not give a shit about you,
I have never been more sorry.