• ee_maan 5w

    In the quietness of my thoughts
    I reached out
    and found nothing.
    Patient tears flowed upon an endless crevice
    burning the current's path into a deeper emotion-
    Visions of material success, possessions and fame
    built empty dreams upon weak ideals.
    In a self-created world, my self-created world, I was surrounded
    by frustration, denial and an image of who I'd become.
    Recollection of parties,
    of school
    of life
    of awards
    of moments that were drawn up to reflect "living" and "achievement"
    -drawn by a girl who thought she was the artist-
    Are nothing more than pieces that remain dead to the conscience of my heart. Memories of times when I thought I should be happy
    I stood shuddering in shameful loneliness
    letting the bitter wind of reality consume me
    and yet I don't know why. . .
    Feelings I see in my patchwork of faded existence seem to reveal that
    Something was missing,
    Is still missing
    Was always missing.
    I quiet myself further and try and find out why the tears
    burn with shame and the Noor has disappeared from my face.
    Perhaps it was never there
    Perhaps I never let it into my heart
    Perhaps I thought I was strong enough on my own.
    "Oh Allah (swt) please forgive me,
    I need You, I need Your guidance, Your forgiveness,
    Your mercy. I am nothing when I fail to remember You,
    I am nothing without You
    . . . I am nothing at all"