• colourfulgreys 10w

    To those who wanted to know something positive about me... something not so dark and taboo laden as my posts...
    So here goes:

    //And I can see it in your face
    You've got a side you can't explain//

    Life the way I have known it has changed so much in the last two years, I am not so simple, naïve and blind now as I had been earlier to my privileges, to other’s plights, to the differences and sights. I have found and lost love and happiness. And realised that what I have been calling happiness, is actually a transient pleasure. Happiness is something deep in me, it cannot be found or lost, but just seen or been blind towards.

    //There are a thousand dreams,
    That lie within the sheets, in old LPs
    For now, they lie asleep,
    It's not a big surprise//

    It’s in identifying what you don’t want to do, in knowing what makes you most comfortable at doing and excited to explore, willing to do more of it. For me it’s also realising, happiness cannot be found in others if one doesn’t accept and love one own self first. So friends have become less important for me as in the ones I used to be with, even though they made me question myself and doubt myself, just for the sake of company.

    So all the pain I ever went through has made me more able to handle the pain waiting to strike again, and yet not be afraid of it because, pain is nothing but lessons and learning and a dose of more courage and strength.

    //So I drown it out like I always do
    Dancing through our house
    With the ghost of you//

    Life-- It’s got ups and downs, love and separation but the thing that reassures me is the fact I'll be with myself for the rest of my life, and so I try to make myself a better partner for myself, someone I love will all my might. Music, books, movies, writing and a bit of nature, help me be me, the one I love.

    //Some mistakes get made
    That's alright, that's okay
    You can think that you're in love
    When you're really just in pain
    Some mistakes get made
    That's alright, that's okay
    In the end it's better for me
    That's the moral of the story babe//

    Coming back to my brother, he is one of the serendipity examples I can give. Like many here at Mirakee he is younger than me, and like I feel with so many here, much more talented than me, and I am so grateful to be with all of you here, to be learning from you all, with such excellent vocabs, such beautiful out-of-box thoughts and compositions, and such living personalities. Mirakee has been a source of happiness for me of late. The love of writing that I was blind to I saw it because of this platform. I thank it so much. And all of you!

    I listen to 5SOS, Aurora, Ashe, CAS, Kuhad fervently, and it always makes me happy, positivity is in being home, with my own self, listening music. I read somewhere that if you are never alone, you never get to know yourself and if you don’t know yourself, then you will be afraid of the void which is you. Being alone for so long has made me more comfortable with myself.

    //So sleep
    Sleep tight, tonight
    You know
    Tomorrow will be bright//

    Listening to music ,writing, and sunlight on my face….Bliss...this is bliss!

    //And when you go away
    I still see you
    With sunlight on your face
    In my rear view//
    Pic is not of my bro but of Ritwick Bhowmick who did a great job in Bandish Bandits, an Indian Hindi language series
    Copyright Jaya Harfkaar 20-9-20

    Catch all my rants here #selfmusingsofJ
    @mirakee @writersnetwork #genuine_readers #daadigotyourback

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