It felt like poison running down my veins. I could feel the burns travelling through my heart till belly. It was not the typical physical pain. The kind of pain no one wants to go through. It was torturing.It felt like dying over and over again with each glimpse of yours. It was so painful that even tears would'nt compensate. I sometimes still skip a beat when I see you. It happened this time too. But it was not overwhelming. I felt like choking on my own breath. I quickly wanted to disappear from your sight. I wasnt prepared to see you. But I did. My heart froze for a moment. I did'nt realise what had happened. My mind puzzeled with each memory of you, from wearing the tshirt I gifted you till the very place you were standing for lunch. Everything was the same except for me not being in the picture. But I still was in the picture right? Wasn't I? Its almost hysterical of how a person may change the very stars they thanked for us to be together. Well, putting all this together, I never want anyone to go through this rush of hormones that almost kills a person emotionally and mentally. Its pale poison. This was the very first time I let myself through this. I would never allow myself to go through this amount of pain ever, not for anyone. I would just not. I cannot go through this excruciating torture again for someone so coward and absurd while accepting the fact that I would have to. But I also realise that my mind and body has learned this rush of hormones that almost burns everything this very first and last time. And the next time it happens, I would feel a little less choked and burned and dead. And with each passing day it would just fade into nothingness. I am,what I want to. Neither your presence nor you absence could ruin this. But it did anyway right? Well I'll probably learn this art soon and I would stand strong like I did today to every other day yet to come, without a single tear of your name.
P.S : I write to forget but to do this I almost have to relive every moment again to capture the perfect words for it. Its like dying twice to be straight on words. Like Literally. But never mind.