• lone_soul_ 9w

    #ignore

    I don't want to have these
    bipolar conversations
    where I threaten,
    and apologize,
    and demand,
    and apologize
    again

    I don't mean to take you
    through the ringer
    to make you see violence
    and mood swings

    I don't mean to scare you
    when I don't take my medicine
    I don't mean to scare you
    when I cry for hours
    I don't mean to scare you
    when I scream and punch things

    I never meant to
    do those things
    I swear

    I never meant to
    drop everything
    and go across multiple state lines
    with no plans at all

    I never meant to hurt myself
    until my arms
    were coated in scars

    For all of the times
    I self medicated
    poked myself with needles
    and drank away my pain,
    I'm sorry
    I shouldn't have taken so many xanax
    you're right
    I was wrong again

    I never meant for you to be
    my caretaker
    I hate those words
    caretaker
    I should be able
    to take care of myself

    I'm sorry I am not managing this illness
    I am very very ill

    I'm sorry for the times
    I couldn't get out of bed
    couldn't eat,
    couldn't move
    couldn't work

    I'm sorry for the times
    I made tons of post-it notes
    filled journals with ideas
    bought calendars
    and organization tools

    I'm sorry for getting your hopes up
    I really thought I could do it this time

    I'm sorry for my diagnosis
    I'm sorry I didn't understand how serious this is

    I didn't ask to be bipolar
    I didn't ask to be an addict
    I didn't ask to be born

    I make cases for myself in my head
    but they're all filed as crazy

    I'm sorry I was delusional
    paranoid and afraid

    I'm sorry for the drug binges

    I'm sorry for melting
    fading
    burning
    and still coming back
    alive

    these low lows
    and high highs

    you've been through the ringer

    when you're only supposed to be
    support, a resource of compassion...
    you had to be a caretaker

    You didn't ask for this
    and neither did I

    I sometimes questioned if it was harder on you
    to live with someone with bipolar disorder
    than it was for me
    to live with bipolar disorder

    You wanted to save me
    but now I'm drowning

    I'm trying to learn to swim
    I just hope I do it
    before I sink

    I'm sorry for all of the depressive poetry
    I made you read

    I'm sorry...

    _______________________________

    Am really sorry baby .

    Read More

    Bipolar

    I don't mean to scare you
    when I don't take my medicine
    I don't mean to scare you
    when I cry for hours
    I don't mean to scare you
    when I scream and punch things

    I never meant to
    do those things
    I swear

    I never meant to
    drop everything
    and go across multiple state lines
    with no plans at all

    I never meant to hurt myself
    until my arms
    were coated in scars..


    ( Read caption )