I find myself in old situations With new faces and smells I say the same words And end up with different reactions It turns out people aren't all the same I'm starting to paint with less black and white Striving use more color
I used to describe my mental health as forgetting how to see color It was the only way I could describe it An image to explain something so physically invisible But as real as anything else I know
I thought I met someone who helped me see what I kept missing. He described it as such, You keep turning down the wrong street and end up at sad, dead ends. You turned off the lights and sat for so long in the dark that you forgot any other colors existed. So I'm here to shine a light on you.
Naturally, with a light directly in my face I was blinded. I don't know if I saw anything at all But the idea of a rainbow on the other end
Here I am 4 months later looking back For the first time without a microscope on one still image and I can finally see I never hit a dead end. I stood on street corners and spent too long debating how to best get to my destination I took more detours than average I don't take direction well Ocasionally I started walking down a dead end street, unaware of what it was. Sometimes pulled up a chair I was frustrated. I wanted to get to where I was going. I lingered But I never stayed
I surounded myself With people who were so contrasting I started to see the world in their hue I lost the ability to differentiate between the two When he walked into my life I was then thought how to blend into shades of Gray I noticed nuance without the creativity
It wasn't until I took a step further back that I truly started to see color The first was green I mistook it for bliss I painted another human being as better than they deserved Then it was yellow Vibrant and beautiful, I saw the sun Then red to capture the full sunset. A spectacular view finally in full focus.
Here I am saying the same words In all new ways. For the first time in 6 years I can see color Or rather I just see See people for who they are. See myself in a new hue, a new light Self sufficient, fuled by the sun A light, all my own, dim My own sort of bright.