It's like if it's just about yesterday When I stepped instead of crawl When I spoke It's like if I'm still that girl Who used to fall each step she took Who fumbled when she read a book When I look back it seems like It's still the little old me.
It was Autumn My heart was also As pale as the weather
The transparent tubes coming from behind my neck and entering my nostrils felt strange..very strange They said I had some sort of trauma The artificial oxyzen I was forced to inhale Was toxic I wanted to throw that tube out of my nose.. Just to feel once How living like a normal human is But I couldn't Because the thing I had Probably made 'you' NOT you before making you not alive ! They said my lungs were filled with fluid some sort of deadly fluid! And I had something which they call Lung Cancer Duh !! It was just I had to live with this my whole life At least the life I had left with me ! My mom told me this When I was thirteen !! Exactly after two months My first period came! Like god was shouting "Congratulations ! You're a women! Now !! Die "
I tried to live a normal life Knowing that It is the only reason My parents cry! My mother sobs And my father's chest Absorbs that tears !! But what was I supposed to do Except staring at my Bitten nails.. which had a lil glimps of blood At the cuticles ! Or looking at the Ceiling in my room! Tiled and polised Just like my oxyzen tank!
My doctor said ! I was courageous! Huh! Was I? Sorry* Am I ? I've been habituated of living in the past!
Because Remembering the swing in my backyard And they way i used to talk to air Is the thing that calms me When the tank makes noise With each heavy breathe of mine Like Satan breathing with me
I let it go Once again .. Coz I'm not a 'normal' child I'm a grenade ! The metal peices of my life that I've left Might be destructive !
I sleep on my bed !! Breathing heavily !! And letting it GO !! Coz they say .......... Duh !! They keep saying !!!
So I was just 1 year old when we shifted From Delhi to here, our home
When I was 2 it was the first time when I saw my whole family gathered on the terrace and it was all dark. Mom was holding me in her hands. I couldn't understand then what was happening. I thought may be someone is coming to visit.
And then he came, they greeted and wished each other and I was like it's the same moon though, what's so special.
I was really young to understand all this but it was fun for me, whole family sitting together spending some time that we usually didn't.
Then when I was 5 it was the time when I got to understand all this. So I always had a habit that I didn't shared my chocolates and candies with anyone except my father.
So I came up to him and offered him one. My mom grabbed me and said " baby you can't give him this now " And I said " but he must be hungry, he haven't ate anything since morning ". Mom said that he was praying and being a kid I didn't ended my questions there.
So then she explained me about Ramadan and the moment she finished I was like " when can I do this prayer " Mom said " surely someday but not now "
I was 11 when I did my first ever roza. I was very excited but it was summers and schools were open then so I went school daily. One day it was our games period and we were playing basketball.
Suddenly due to dehydration I fainted and the ball hit my knee and I even got some injury. So I couldn't continue ahead.
But after that I did it full month every year and I felt really great. I had a strange satisfaction that I had never felt before and it was beyond this world.
There was a time when this meant nothing to me but today it feels like a part of me. Like if I don't do it due to some reason then I get really upset.
The girl who then thought moon was just a moon now eagerly wait every year to see this moon during this period.