//The pain of blank pages is best understood by an artist.//
A painter who is not quite able to able to blend colours on the canvas the way life carved lines on his forehead. // This time the best colours are too dark, or maybe too bright for the darker than black of live's reality.//
A musicain who falls to beat to the beat which has kept him alive all along those dark days and sleepless nights. //This time, even if this yound bold heart(which has been fragile) beats to those life giving beats, the society calls it chaotic or too loud or simple not the ideal kind.//
A dancer who fails to crease her fat curves and not so smooth edges on stage to express her offerings to spectators who are hungry for false beauty, for being impressed. //This time her curves are becoming lines and her edges fullstops to an amazing expressionist, to her real beauty, her imperfections.//
A dramatist who knows theatre to its core and its aim at the best which is too bring reality to the front face of the arena, to express, to make people happy and instill in them a hope to live is now taking circles of big directors and producers who want money, fame at the cost of anything, even morality and humanity. // This time pure souls are hidden, punched in the face and maube lost forever because of hunger for things which dont last forever.//
A writer, an aspiring one , fears black pages because they remind of failure, failure of penning down his own story, what was known to him beacause of the unknown, for the society which will never be satisfied even if you gift it with pearls made of your flesh, for people who breathe in cruelty and virtuality and then he stops believing in himself and surrenders himself to the dark unknown of the light within him .
// This time not just aspiring writers, i think at times the so famous successful writers fear blank pages, fall short of words, curse the ink filled in the pen because all of these cannot do justice to a side of him which is hidden from the world, the unknown broken kid in them who had no friends, an introverted teenage boy who never really fitted in, a drunkard who cried herself to sleep, or maybe the seemingly perfect and happy adult in them who never wrote the spirit and the flame which got them writing, whi are not happy.//
Repeat after me, NO THIS TIME SHALL STOP ME FROM BEING ME, WHO I REALLY AM. NO BOUNDATIONS OF THE SOCIETY NO WORRIES OF OPINIONS AND JUDGEMENTS NO ASSUMPTIONS OF FAILURE NO FEAR OF WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY NO BLANK PAGES NO BLOTTED INK NO WORDS NO ONE NOT EVEN ME.
Disclamer: The first two paragraphs have very bold language.Do not read. I know the lyrics does not quite go well with the poem i wrote last night. Never the less, i was driven by my instinct to do this. Sorry if it didnt came out well. Note : The body has lines from a book named "The 5 a.m. club" by Robin Sharma. The caption includes the poem i wrote.
//Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise Playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday You got mud on your face, you big disgrace Kicking your can all over the place, singin'//
I am guilty of sins, i never comitted. I am unworthy for lies, i mever said. Give me pain, and i shall accept it. Punish me till dawn, and i wont disapprove of it. Let me down, and i wont dare to rise. Plung a knife deep in my spine, but my soul wont demise. For bloody sinners, this is what would suffice.
//Buddy, you're a young man, hard man Shouting in the street, gonna take on the world someday You got blood on your face, you big disgrace Waving your banner all over the place//
Kick off my ass, and i shall bend more. Suffocate my dreams, and my voice shall choke. Stretch my legs, penetrate my scars. Keep the blood which seeps out in jars. Push my down, and more shall i kneal. Hide me from kids, but i wont conceal. For blood-thirst criminals, this is how goes the deal.
//Buddy, you're an old man, poor man Pleading with your eyes, gonna get you some peace someday You got mud on your face, big disgrace Somebody better put you back into your place, do it!//
Appreciate my presence, and i will give you more reasons to. Hug me once, and i wont let you go. Run hands through my hairs, and i shall never cut them again. To smell of acceptance in the rain of pain. When my lips shall you kiss. In your fate shall I spellbound bliss. A monster am I. But i have nightmares too, to your suprise. Inside me a devil dwells. Which has a story to tell.
When my pen bleeds without ink I find a fragile link Surrounded with assumptions and prejudice Dipped in cowardice To a past i survived To my soul i lied For writings i left incomplete For memories i dod delete For reasons far-forgotten For purpose yet rotten For tears i didnt wipe For fruits which didnt ripe For holes which seemed like cracks For meaning which my feeling lacks Tracing ways Though in greys I found me! -guts(rutvi)
//They say acceptance makes things easier, maybe they are correct.//
I am a self accepted failure . A failure with great grades. A failure, whose father talkes about Moksha. And whose mother knows the perfect balance between work and family. A failure, who has the best people to hang around with. Above all, a failure not just because of the scenarios outside, in the surroundings but the situations and the conditions I created inside my own mind. But they say acceptance makes things better. And it has, not the usual kind of better but somewhat clearer. I am too numb for feelings and emotions. My periods last very long these days. And I smell like blood. I am too tired to speak. The saliva of my mouth has stagnated and feels good to be that ways, it's only my pen which bleeds (and my skin which stinks), because I am tired telling the same tale to different people and then being shattered yet again, it makes the story longer every time, new betrayals add chapters to the story. I have become fragile Now with many cracks. Too fragile, to handle a loud scream or a glare, I am timid. And accepting this makes me a little stronger because now I have forgotten to fight, to scream back, to question and to re-question. But there seems a ray of hope. DEATH. I am waiting for you to eat me up. To egulf me, please and I would happily jump in the inferno of your flames. And if I am left as ash, throw me up, up there. And I will mingle with the five elements. Because holding things Now feels like a curse. I want to flow, And let go of the flow. All of my fears, my insecurities, my bad, my flaws, my cliches, all will be a part of this world in the form of the wind, water, earth, sky and fire. And then a part of me will be a part of you.
Fallen For A Psychopath Criminal--(An exceptional love story) --------------------------------------------------- RECAP ~~~~~~~~~~ Florence met a weird man at her friend (Ava's) birthday party. She was attracted towards him but when she got to know from his senior doctor who was her best friend too (Dr James) that he is a psychopath criminal, she started keeping distance. Ethan Wood kidnapped her and took her to his house where he swore to not to hurt her. Florence was impressed by his sweet gestures and somewhere she started believing that he can't be a criminal. Florence cooked breakfast for Ethan and they experienced a cute and cosy moment.
Ethan recited the whole story of his past to Florence. Florence trusted him and she too fell for him. The very next day Florence got to know that Ethan's sister is no one but the schizophrenic sufferer, Isla. Kenneth (Ethan's twin brother) who was dead according to the medical report comes back in his house disguising himself as Ethan and misbehaved with Florence. He narrated a totally different story to Florence. Ethan joined with officers and Ken got arrested.
Next, we find Ethan and Florence having a desirable night.
_______________________________________________________ To get to know what the story of Ethan's past which made him a psychopath criminal, you need to read previous chapters. For that you can visit #psychopath_dvn _______________________________________________________
Chapter- 16 ---------------------
He kissed me on my neck sensually and asked, "Can I, love?" Kissing him on cheeks, I hummed. He took me in his arm and placed me on his bed softly.
The daylight fell on my cheek and I wakened. I slid my hand on the bed to hold Ethan. He wasn't there. I got up draping myself with the bedsheet and laid with my back on the bed rest. "Ethan?"
I called his name thrice but didn't get any answer. My eye fell on a paper kept over the lamp table. I opened it and it goes,
Thank you so much for everything. In my life I never had anyone to love me and the love you gave me means a lot to me. I know, after such a gorgeous night, vacating you must be scaring you but I don't have any other choice. I can't trust to chance your life. I am putting up with a break for a few days or maybe a few months or it can be a few years too. I want to sort out everything. I want to clear my name from all the crimes which Ken committed in my name. I hope you will wait for me. There is a car parked outside you can use it to go back to your own life. I know it will be hard for you. They will put down a lot of question in front of you but I know my baby will deal with it wisely.
Take Care. I love you. Yours eternally, Ethan Wood.
I was deadened. I didn't know how to react. My heart and mind started up a conflict. Ethan cares for me and that's the reason he left unexpectedly and he will come soon. But Ken's words started bothering me "He will spoil your life like the way he did to other girls."
Well! It was a waste of time to think about all these. I got ready quickly and marched my way towards James's house.
COFFEE WITH NJ❤ ____________________ Sip the coffee, enjoy the read.
I can't afford to lose you. ````````````````````````````````````````````
"I am exhausted by watching the movie, " I said. J was busy playing a game on his phone. "How can you play the same game again and again without getting bored?" I squinted my eyes.
He was so engrossed in the game that he didn't respond to whatever I said.
"Damn it! You are so bad." I sat beside him and started chasing my finger on his hair. "Don't disturb me, love. Let me play." "Nope. I will." I began tickling him. "What happened? What do you want?" He approved a grin. "I am bored."
He was still busy with his phone.
"Baby," she said pulling my t-shirt. I kept my phone aside and asked, "What happened?" "Play with me." She said with a pleading face. "What do you want to play?" She shoved her eyebrows together, rested her finger on her chin. "Hmm...let me think." And looked up.
I upheld a serious grin, "But we are only two." "So what? Plish! Play na" She mumbled making a puppy face.
With stone, paper and scissor, we chose who will be first blindfolded. She won so I had to get blindfold and catch her.
"Mhmm...where are you?" I wasn't able to see a single thing except for darkness. I spread my hands and was walking all over the room. There was absolute stillness in the room but I could hear her giggles.
She hit me softly on my head. I turned over to catch her but she escaped. Well! Clever she.
But I am smarter. I knew she feared lizards so I cried out, "Oh Carb! What is that? A lizard." And the word "Lizard" stressed her out so much that she screamed like anything and I heard a boisterous jump of her from the bed. And the fictitious lizard helped me to catch her. I grabbed her from the back.
"No, this is not done. This is cheating." She said pushing me away.
"Now it's your turn."
I wrapped the blindfold around her eyes and swivelled her, "Catch me."
I was roaming in the room, attempting to catch a single movement of his. He came to me and kissed me on cheek. I tried to catch him but he managed to escape.
Meanwhile, around half an hour passed and still, I was incapable to catch him. "Love, I lose. Now please come and unwrap the fold. I can't stay any more like this."
I didn't get any answer. "Love, please. I am afraid of this darkness. I promise I won't catch you." Still, there was not a single response by him. Ultimately, I unfolded and brushed my eyes. "Look I lose." I rounded my gaze inside the room. He wasn't there. "Love?" I looked for him behind the curtains, inside the wardrobe, under the bed and even inside the bathroom. I searched for all the possible places. Then while calling his name I searched him in the kitchen and balcony too. He wasn't there. All the malicious thoughts struck inside my head and it started bothering me. "Love, please come."
My eyes brimmed in tears and I started to weep.
*Boooo* He scared me from behind. I hugged him tightly and began to cry hysterically. "Arrey! Calm down, baby." He said brushing my hair. "You are so bad. Why did you do this? I hate you." I said hugging him more tightly. "I love you too, love. I am sorry baby." He kissed me on the forehead.
I held her in a comfortable hug until she calmed down. Then I brought her a glass of water and made her drink. "I am sorry baby." "Mhmm...you should be."
I positioned her head on my lap and relieved her.
Meanwhile, I said, "Love, you rest, I will be back from the kitchen with ice creams for us." "No, you won't go anywhere. I don't want to eat ice cream. Stay with me." She hugged me on the waist.
After her first heartbreak, it was so hard for her to trust love again. She literally killed all her dreams and fantasies. But when she got the love and care she always wanted, from me, she scared second heartbreak. It has been quite efforting for me to bring back her missed happiness again. Now when she is happy how can I become the reason for her despair again.
I fastened her in arms and planted a kiss on her cheeks.
"Love," she said. "Mhmm" "I can't afford to lose you." She approved a soft smile.
Some nights, I wonder if my existence had just been a perfect sin. And all those days, when I did not feel like myself, I remember you. /You remind me that my existence is not a mistake. It's a bliss/
I keep staring at these cracks on my ceiling, cause they remind me of my imperfect parts, and all those parts of me which I never liked. But then, I remember you. /You remind me that imperfections is what makes me a human, and that I should love them, just like you do/
Nights and diaries used to know most of my hurt, but now all they know about is you. Because diaries and nights surely know me well. And when I think of them, it reminds me of you. /That's what you've done. You have a paralysing effect on me, the kind which I like/
Moon is jealous now. Because not it's not the only one I love. And the clouds in the sky hold many secrets with them, and one of them is you. /You are my secret, the version of you which I see is a secret that I never want to share with anyone/
I have missed many shooting stars. And all those shooting stars remind me of how much I am grateful, to have you. /Because there was just one shooting star which I never missed, I guess it was you/
I have started wandering among your words, that are no less than the lyrics of a song which I will never get bored of. /You are becoming my habit, now. Any day without you, makes me feel restless/
Your eyes hold this power on me, the one where I can't lie to you if I look inside them, they are just so beautiful, and it's hard to look you in the eye and lie. It's impossible. /If love was a person, I am pretty sure it would be you/