To THE best daddy , I remember Febraury 8 2015 was very unfortunate in y(our) life. The day you were first diagnosed with cancer. It's been six years, daddy and I still can't stop pondering how the most cruel disease picked up a person who is every single antonym of cruel. A person who is the best son, the best brother, the best husband, THE BEST DADDY and the best human this planet can ever have. A person who spent his childhood in striking poverty and worked hard to earn the "Dr." prefix before his name. A person who gives free treatments for the cattle and goats of poor farmers. A person who respects women unlike the mysoginists of that generation. A person who never smokes or consumes alcohol. A person who has extreme faith in god and goodness. A person who sees only the positive aspects of things. A person who cares for family more than self. Why did cancer pick you? The question I had back then & till now is unanswerable, my dearest daddy.
I struggle so much to bear the fact that I have to LIVE WITHOUT YOU rest of my life. But your struggle is greater, your struggle to bear the intolerable pain of cancer & more painful treatments just to LIVE WITH ME & LIVE FOR ME. After this huge battle for six years, It'd be selfish if I wished you were still here because I've seen you struggle so much to eat, speak, sleep & breathe. I've seen how vulnerable you were with blood & blues all around the body. Your body was your own enemy, daddy kutty. Atleast now you have left the body & have reached a better place than this ugly earth. The fact that keeps me going is that you are painless now and you are still watching me from above.
I cry thinking of how you grasped my hand when in ventilator and uttered your last words "take care of amma". You were so selfless even at the end. I promise I shall never let your struggles go in vain. I promise that I will treat "amma" like a queen like you did. I promise I'll take care of myself too because I resemble you not only in looks but in everything else. You are living in me daddy, your blood runs in my veins and half of every cell of mine is your chromosome. I promise I will keep making you proud like I have did till now. Afterall, every goodness in me and every achievment I ma(k/d)e is because of you. Don't you ever feel for me, daddy. The only thing I lack now is your presence & everything else you have already fulfilled for me. You've paved a path for me and have taught me how how to cross that. It's sad you won't be there holding my hands to cross the path but you will be the only one filled in my heart.
~Your little baby. Feb 8 2021.
PS: I uninstalled immediately after posting my last post and just finished reading the comments. I do want to reply to each comment personally but I'm tired and moody. Just letting you all know, they mean a lot to me really. Thank you and ILY all.
PS 2: I couldn't sleep properly without daddy and he consoled me despite being in hospital between the cycles of chemotherapy. Here is the screenshot which shows he is really THE BEST DADDY and he will always be one.
On this Sun-day connoted with last brisk February winds, I again wonder my ancient wonders.
When I was 9, my father for the first time recited me poems of Robert Frost, and my mother made me discover paintings of Vincent Van Gogh. Since then, I always thought: Don't the words hold secret colours, which when read daub paintings in void minds? A painter's hands are filled with hues which create a different abstract on their own prevailed by none but a painter, and so are the words, when written leave scribbles of unwritten lost words in minds which when crooned together, are a muse on their own, that a writer knows, none else. Both Writings and Paintings are blended in depth of graces and ingenuity, sometimes even remaining unfathomed. They don't differentiate much, do they? And this question stretched till forever— unheard, unanswered. At the age of 10, As I grew with both pen marks splintered from metaphors admiring the g(old)en lyrics of radios, and watching colours dribbling from brushes since a very young age, I lately started answering reasons the terms 'painter' and 'writer' are split for. Writers roar in diaries through words, and painters cry dripping colours in sketchbooks, but maybe if Van Gogh would behold a flower, he would compare it with tranquility, when Frost compared it to leaves. A painter's shades thrive in brushes when a writer's greys hide behind the words. Maybe a writer dreams moon in days, when a painter idolizes the dawns that are at the moment? Brushes and Pens both sway, but brushes perhaps praising the sky miles away when pens crying to clutch it? Again, my 10th year ended with questions. At the age of 11, I ended these thoughts with a consequence of lost words. But now, yearning them to become a muse for someone, and not a memory listed in "I used to wonder" what I still wonder— Being 13, remembering hypothesis and colossal of words now untethered, I unlock again the old chamber of collapsed observations, untold and unseen. And eventually, my heart answers— "The writers capture lies picturing realities when painters showcase realities which reminisce lores, and maybe Almighty does both?" And again, this wonder lasts with a question.
She was standing in a corner with a glass of wine, as a guest who came to attend the engagement party. Suddenly her eyes connected with him, who was gazing silently at her from the stage. Those two pairs of eyes went through an emotional rollercoaster. There was a sudden gush of thoughts and emotions, crashing with each other. But they both knew that it was already too late for anything. Both the pair of eyes welled up and then turned different ways..
An announcement was heard "So let's put our hands together for the lovely couple Aryan and Ruchika, who are going to be engaged today." And there was a big round of applause which pulled her back into the reality. Her mind was rewinding the memories of the 2 years that she spent with him and also of the following 6 months after they broke up. She shoved all those thoughts apart for sometime, trying to focus on the engagement..
Finally the rings got exchanged and everyone clapped & cheered for the couple. The elders after showering their blessings on them, went to attend the guests at the party. She crept out of that place as it was making her feel suffocated and went to the terrace to get some fresh air..
After finishing all the formalities, he took a glass of wine in his hands and his eyes again went back in search of her. His heart sank as he scanned each and every face in the crowd but still couldn't find any trace of her. That uneasiness made him head towards the terrace too. And then his heart skipped, as there he saw the silhouette of his lost love, that's her..
Sipping her wine, she was watching the city lights from the terrace, which were eventually getting blurred from her sight as the tears were escaping from her eyes. She was cursing herself to have come to this place only because her colleagues forced, even if her heart was shattering due to the fact of losing the only love of her life. She was cursing herself for letting him go that day without uttering a single word. Then she heard his soft voice from behind. For a moment she resisted turning back as she was sure that she'll collapse weakly into his arms the second she'll face him. But his voice was coming closer to her "Divya, please stop me from doing this. Please tell me that nothing has changed between us. I love you the same even today."..
Even after trying her best she was unable to control her emotions that were gushing out of her. So she finally turned to face him, and as expected her fears turned into reality. His eyes were full of tears, reflecting his infinite love for her. On the other hand, she too was in the same situation. Within a blink of eye they collapsed into each others arms madly. And those long lost soulmates started kissing each other with so much passion as if they had been hungry since ages. They expressed everything of their hearts to one another without even a single spoken word, and finally decided what to do next..
And that was their unison once again, under the starry sky, as the moon smiled from above witnessing the rekindle of love..