Beneath the drab drapes I am back to square one with the phrases and sentences of all of them and all of you. Infact,only you! Fetching the echoes etched upon the gone by epoch like the tattoo I have with your name . With each day passing by those days come back, and the tranquility of my soul surmise you. Whether the call of rain or the goodbye of spring My season rest down to winter. With the hue of Stygian I paint the souvenir protagonisting both of us my Arms try to embrace your presence through the zephyer, You being the panoramic constant of my orbs urge them to wink at your hunch My heart probing your pulse call you at the same But My mind still ask to let go. Was the road you took not meant for me or i stepped into a labyrinth. At the further side of whom there is nothing you may call as vent. "Stucked in the labyrinth my existence asks you to help oblivious of the fact that you made me trap."
We can never be strangers!!Heartbreaks are meant to happen just like you were meant to happen to the Sane me.Moving on for me is like leaving the old city behind where I came to the real meaning of "Breathing at my own will",Where the sun took permissions from the moon to take a leave for the day,Where the bus stops waiting for the passengers rather than those coloured buses,Where I realised that their is no need to hide the tears behind those fake smiles,Where i realised that mere holding hands can take me to another destination -You.
We met an year back accidentally.A common address,We stumbled upon few common poetries.I am scared to cut the last thread that connects us but then again with an heartbreaking sigh I sit back resting my back against the cold wall reliving each single second when we first talked,we first texted each other.Forgetting you for me is like injecting oneself with the poisonous liquid that can take your life in seconds.Forgetting you for me is like donating heart to another patient -I cannot afford sharing you with someone else - Never.
I can live my few left years heartbroken than forgetting those seconds Where I fell for you,Where I realised Heartbreak is better than thinking about you as a long lost stranger,Heartbreak is better than forgetting you.
"Bhul jaane ki baatein na kiya karo, Yahan tumhari yaadon ki kaid mein khud ko taummar ke liye band kiya hai".
1)I carry an in-Built defect within my body.A defect where a 2 minute laugh is injurious to health.The days where there when the breathing doesn't come naturally to me.Backward counting,A little of walking a step above-A step below.Staring at the sun till my eyes starts burning -Breathing turns normal.Picking up a hot utensil -I never try to be easy on myself.The defect might stay for a few more years -Till i die.
2)I realised i was broken when i was staring at the smiling faces roaming around me and thought "How carelessly they laugh, commit mistakes and then can love fully too.I can never love someone enough with the tears stuffed within me -The ones that are desperate to break the shield whenever they got the first chance.I always wanted the carefree smiles to find a home within me -For i was always the abandoned one but if they want to stay my body can be a shelter to them."I stopped laughing like yesterday for the tear free today.I am a broken soul with a cup of soulful poetries.
Dusting off the invisible specks of dust from her dress she picked up a scarlet lipstick from her makeup box and then scribbled a message on a tissue "Meet me at the terrace and handed over to the waitress standing beside her.Waitress was about to leave when she stopped her and said "Just tell him that I won't take his much time,Just few answers and i'll be done".Shaking the depression away she stood by that huge window where she is getting the clear view of the ocean.Breathing the stillness and the rage erupting from the waves she sighed and whispered to herself "Wafaa jahangir you were a fool and will always be one".
"Wafaa jahangir" She told the waitress asking for her reserved table on the terrace.Looking one last time at her peaceful surroundings she moved towards her table and sat down while fiddling with the table cloth.Wiping the tears off she started her old method of controlling her nervousness and anxiety -Backward alphabet counting.It was her amma's way of controlling pain and tears whenever her dad went into an argument with her.Like mother like daughter,' Smiling to herself she went into the memory lane where she was alive with her head on her mother's lap -The time when she used to sleep peacefully without the migrane and sweaty nightmares.
Waking up from her sudden thoughts she finally came face to face with the man she once loved madly,The one who claimed to never leave her.The one who claimed to love her like a true lover who will leave her only when death says hello or maybe she was little mad to fall into his trap of true love or wafaa jahangir was meant to be at the recieving end of Sadness.Now she feels she deserve it maybe she must have done something severe that she is suffering till now or she will suffer for the whole life.Afterall wafaa jahangir was meant to suffer.
"How are you wafaa" He asked with serious guilt in his beautiful eyes.The ones wafaa fell in love with,The one that never lied,The one that left her even on seeing the agony they left her with.
"How am I??I never doubted your intelligence but today i doubt it honestly and you know why??She asked with pool of tears and tiny smirk on her coloured lips -"You are asking a dead body of how the dead body is feeling after being murdered.!! "I am fine.Look at me I am a succesful writer with so many readers desperately waiting for my words.Damnnnn you know what they'll never know those words i write is what real wafaa jahangir is.They believe in fiction but they'll never know i serve them a platter of reality dressed up in fiction.A bit of smiles and loads of tears as a bonus.
Standing there awkwardly his lips turned into a sad smile remembering the last time he left her.He loved her the most.His heart still breathes, still lives for her wafaa jahangir.She will always be his but in his dreams.He gifted her pain when she gifted him her happiness.He was not selfish but a loyal son.The biggest sin he had committed was "Leaving the only girl he loves till now and maybe he'll love her till his last breath."Turning around and looking at her for the last time -He will carry these memories with him for his whole life.Without saying anything he left her -Again.
"I will always be incomplete without you Wafaa -My wafaa"
"One minute you were on the phone talking to me and in another i was on the road lying in the pool of blood!!"She was narrating the part of her story she left last time.He stared at her for few minutes before getting up and standing beside her massaging her shoulders."One minute i was on the phone talking to you and in another i ran when i heard the screams of my own.Running like a maniac on that busy newyork street with sweat running down my forehead with your picture in my trembling hands -Kissing and hugging to my chest until i reached the street you were lying on"He narrated his part while massging her head -The one going through a minor migrane
"I was whispering your name with that grey band around my wrist chanting you to run faster.The cars on street 21 stopped with few people. I saw were running towards my -Dead-to-be-body.I saw you from afar running like something precious to you is going away from you.You stumbled on the rocks beneath your shaky feet -I swear i saw that too with half opened, Half closed eyes with tears running like marathon in them."She was simply immersed in her part that she didn't but he noticed how few tears escaped from the cage called eyes. "Street 21 -The location that turned my life upside down the sunday two years back -The mid of october.With stumbling here and there I finally saw an almost lifeless body curled up in the corner with her body being supported by that brick wall.Reaching up to you with that shaky feet I whispered "Ella" and the moment our eyes locked -I swear, I swear Ella Campbell I never realised how much i loved you till that moment,How much i am scared to lose you!!"He kept reading the lines until he noticed how she hugged him from behind with kisses on his shoulder blades and mumbling "I love you jasper".
"Adam Campbell, The moment you held my hand and whispered "You have to live ellie,You have to for me,For Yourself and For Us"The fear of losing you was there but i swear addie, I swear "Not more than the excitement of being with you,Not more than the faith i have in you -That My Adam won't let happen anything to his Ella" She whispered while keeping her head on his chest while playing with his hair and kissing his forehead. "Ella Campbell,"We counted 20 seconds together and then the help arrived.From being in that pool of blood to that hospital room I knew how I survived.2 minutes earlier and you were safe -The doctors,The nurses were saying "He really love his wife -But I wanted to tell them "She loves me more"but before i could have said something You woke up with mask around your mouth few bandages here and there.I never had this courage to tell you of i haven't fell for you in college but I had fallen in love with you in high school when you were dating my friend."Jasper kissed her forhead and whispered "I Love you aubrey,Good night"
Home is a feeling i have never felt and maybe will never be able to feel.In few last years i have realised my senses to feel things are getting weaker day-by-day."Have you ever been in love"Jenny asked."Yeah twice -One was when i failed a test in 7th std and my geek classmate offered me his ice cream to console me and my weak heart -I fell in love with him though we never talked after that"I laughed loudly at her annoying face."And second was a kind of tragedy that happened to me "The same geek boy offered me his heart in college but i had already learnt enough by that time that : "You won't find a real home until and unless that home wants you too,Until and unless it itself invites you to colour it with your annoying habits and paint it with your happiness" and He is that kind of home that invited me but i wasn't the right person to make it one.But you know what the tragedy is by that time i realised "I was not meant to feel the feeling of home though he emits that coziness that one can define as home but that home doesn't deserve habits like "Me" Fuck !! I can easily toxicate the walls of his heart and weaken the boundaries, The plaster on it but I banned that feeling to intoxicate me because "He deserved a better person to live within his home and not me who'll ruin that happily ever after within seconds- He don't". I replied looking at the building on the other side of the road -I have heard he lives here where I used to live few years ago (I have been changing buildings since then - I still can't make those 4 walls a home -That feeling was never there//Never'//
Home can never be a person for me.I mean it take years for us to make a place our home and with humans the format is almost same but the thing is when you had a fight with a person you can just leave that person without thinking twice if your peace is at risk but what if you had fight with those four walls??Where will you go??There will no other "Home" for you to welcome you in at the odd/even hours.Where will you go??When a relationship started becoming toxic -You can just break the fucking spell and leave the damnnn person but what if the ceiling start to question your existence,The walls start demanding answers of your decisions and what if the doors started becoming one sided -Just the exit and then no entry!!There will be no place that"ll accept you just like your old home did!!No one will hear your pleas of how you are sorry for not feeling the feeling called "Home" Maybe because you don't carry the same warmth they did.You are fucking cold just like ice and once if someone holds that ice for seconds their hands turn numb!!The same goes for you -The more someone tries to find home within you,The more you'll ruin them and turn them homeless.