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Finally, You bring your eyes to meet his and you are fazed by his bewildered expression, he is overwhelmed you stare at him once more.. His expression speaks volumes,, the fright behind his knitted eyebrows, the speechlessness, his clenched fits and his mild tappings on the floor your feelings must be too much for him, nothing new but he might think you're crazy and if he does you will never be able to live with yourself so you sigh, deep your hands into your pockets bring out the watch and rewind time to the minute he asked.
Are you okay? You smile, a stiff one but he doesn't notice, flip your hair over your shoulders and say "Yeah, Sure."Shalom Chidueme12:30am
You are full blown into a ball of tears now... You say "I'm really just tired, a lot of bad things are happening in the world and it's so sad I can't do anything to change it, I'm just an onlooker in my own life, but it's okay... it's okay wiping your face with the back of your hands
You are full blown into a ball of tears now... You say "I'm really just tired, a lot of bad things are happening in the world and it's so sad I can't do anything to change it, I'm just an onlooker in my own life, but it's okay... it's okay wiping your face with the back of my hands
"Really it's hard to live these days, everything just triggers the memories and you think you've let go, you say you're bigger than your insecurities but there's still this tiny voice in your head reminding you of all your mistakes all your flaws all your brokenness, and you're trying to drown the voices to stab the insecurities but you end up creating holes and voids that nothing can fill."
"Do you ever feel like a stranger in your own body?like Your mind and heart is just tired and you just want to come out of your skin and soak in sunlight a little? like you're claustrophobic in a room with friends and you wonder when it began, when life held no meaning, you see your dreams escaping your eyes and you try to grasp it but you're afraid you'll trip and when you do the world will laugh, so you let all your thoughts of being broken slide to the side of your mind and you pick up a smile and wear it on your lips so people can admire the beauty of your fake life?"
But there are days you get tired of holding your heart, days you just want to mourn with people you think care about you, days you want to cast all your worries of being too much and let it out and there was something about his eyes, the scrutiny of his gaze, the concern, the worry, the love that made you think of the nights you got drunk on your own tears, the intensity that made you remember the first time someone called you friendless, so you take a deep breath, trying to restrain your eyes from pouring, you take another shaky breath and answer
When grief meets me by my windowI open my eyes and welcome it We talk over a cup of tea and some cookies And then I bid it farewellWhen grief meets me by my window side I sit it down and teach it to obey Christ I teach my tears the art of letting go I teach my fears the miracle of faith When grief meets me by my windowI open my eyes and let it escape I know it will not be the last time Nevertheless, whenever it comesI'll be ready.
I do not want empty protestsI do not want pity.I do not want Justice.I want change. Shalom Chidueme2:50am
His hits don't bruise meThose are like a poisonAdministered bits by bitsIt destroyed me unawaresIt destroyed me beyond repairAnd to make this even worseI don't seek salvation from itFor I start loving the pain.©ariachez