thought I oughta reveal my deepest feelings, thought I oughta bare my naked soul. I hold the pen in trembling hands afraid to let it go....

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  • shaman_among_machines 1w

    Stuck in mind

    Stuck in mind, 
    sunk so low 
    nowhere to go 
    still riding solo 
    I'm here 
    helpless but hopeful 
    though I don't wanna be 
    I'm grateful to just be anywhere. 

    Hard to not over care 
    overthink and over feel 
    and feel overran, 
    run down.. 
    I'm drowning Neath the rapids 
    rushing through my being 
    reigning recklessly supreme, 
    I'm sucked in 
    dragged downstream 
    a dream turned nightmare it seems 
    and I feign for feeling free from 
    this fucked mind of mine. 

    Let's switch 
    inner spaces, 
    get a taste of this 
    bitter, wasted placement of energy 
    I'm wasting through. 
    Hung up on 
    being hesitant or relevant 
    it's evident I came here to vent.. 
    I don't wanna just quit 
    or admit I'm aimless 
    which I revel in shamelessly, 
    I don't wanna watch the worries 
    morph into something more horrid, 
    hard to handle and difficult to dismantle 
    right now my spirit is in shambles.. 
    may seem like I'm rambling 
    but this is for me 
    I gotta let it go, 
    take a gamble to get past this, 
    take a chance to enhance this experience which has me feeling delirious. 

    I bleed It out through 
     unreadable lines and rhymes 
    unveiling how I really feel 
     right now I'm trying to chill 
     but thoughts won't stay still 
    can't say what's real 
    I'm encaged 
    a slave to self 
    depraved and wavering 
    waiting to escape.. 

    For fucks sake what does it take 
     for me to get my shit 
     straight and together 
     can't keep waiting for the storm to clear 
    cause the weather 
     ain't getting any better in here. 

    Clouded, clogged and stopped up 
    I claim to not give a fuck 
     but the content of my mind 
    says otherwise. 
     I'm just full of lies, 
     man of many mood swings 
     clinging to chaos, 
     love to lead myself to believe 
    that I'm lost and don't belong 
    but I'm going to stay strong tonight, 
     I'm going to make it 
    to see the morning light despite 
    living in fright, 
    in full on flight or fight mode encoded 
    and embedded but "instead of feeling sorry for yourself do something about it" the more you doubt this ability to alleviate and address the anguish, 
    sorrow and stress, 
     the deeper you sink.. 
    the steeper the climb out seems..

  • shaman_among_machines 1w

    A phrase

    It starts with a phrase 
    emerging from nowhere 
    after lying dormant 
    in the haze 
     in my head 
      in an instant 
      so don't be hesitant, 
       there's no time to wonder why or how 
        it's quick to slip away. 

    Once it appears 
    I proceed to snatch it up 
    but first I provide fuel for the flow 
    with this regularly 
    eye widening and reddening 
     weed smoke I'm about to blow 
     up out and into 
    the air.. 

    Starting from scratch, 
    gliding on the glory of that godsent, 
    golden stream of syllabic gymnastics. 

     I begin to build up and off of it 
    observing the process 
    in the process, 
    proposing no proper or perfect 
    way to organize and release 
    that initial idea. 

    It starts with a phrase 
    emerging from nowhere 
    after lying dormant 
    in the haze 
     in my head 
      in an instant 
       so don't be hesitant, 
       there's no time to wonder why or how 
         it's quick to slip away. 

    A spark sent shining, 
    inner infinity blinding, 
    origins unknown to you, 
    finding it's only unleashed through 
     your personal uniqueness, 
    a subtle sneak preview into 
    private universes 
    unexplored by any other entities 
    but perhaps made perceivable 
    through these poetic projections, 
    reflections of realities within. 

    It starts with a phrase 
    emerging from nowhere 
    after lying dormant 
    in the haze 
     in my head 
      in an instant 
       so don't be hesitant, 
        there's no time to wonder why or how, 
         it's quick to slip away. 

    I know that's alot to 
    understand and utilize 
    but it's only just begun 
    so don't make any demands 
     and take time to scrutinize 
    every word 
     every line, 
    every cliche simple rhyme 
    and know 
    no I won't stop till I drop I'm 'bout to pop off, up and out, no more 
    feeling lost stuck and full of doubt, 
    peeling back the layers 
    revealing all the pain, love, 
    hate and prayers 
    lingering so long in this lost lair. 

    I've never cared to share 
    or "bare my naked feelings" 
    before I became addicted to the 
    beauty of creation 
    through a pen and some paper, 
    never dared to disclose   
    thy deepest and darkest 
    desires and demons 
    setting fires 
    as I'm screaming within.. 
    the flames never to be extinguished 
    probably still be burning till the moment 
    I'm vanquished from this realm, 
    when I relinquish whatever imaginary role I've been reluctant to release 
    and cease from carrying around 
    cause I think it's real 
    but I feel this chain reaction of 
    revelations expressed through 
    alchemical art brings 
     spiritual satisfaction, rebirth, 
     peace and understanding. 

    It starts with a phrase 
    emerging from nowhere 
    after lying dormant 
    in the haze 
     in my head 
      in an instant 
       so don't be hesitant, 
       there's no time to wonder why or how 
         it's quick to slip away. 

    So what more can I say about anything 
    as that spark burns itself out.. 
    feel like I run the risk sometimes of 
    repeating variations of the same verse, 
    defeating the purpose and prolonging me from understanding what it's worth 
    what's worse is wondering if 
    someone else would feel 
     the same about it, 
    passionately as I do 
    acting like I don't have a clue 
     or care if 
    someone shares this sentiment 
    but if they vibe to this point of view 
     and have an interest in the infinite 
    and dig the shit I'm spilling 
    then I embrace that 
    and say thanks for stopping by 
    to see and feel what I have to say. 
    It starts with a phrase 
    emerging from nowhere 
    after laying dormant 
    in the haze 
     in my head 
      in an instant 
       so don't be hesitant, 
     no time to wonder why or how 
    it's quick to slip away. 

  • shaman_among_machines 2w

    Better believe

    Better believe 
    that your soul 
    and your body 
    and your mind are 
    without a doubt 
    breathtakingly beautiful and 
    most definitely 
    divinely designed, 
    this truth you know you could never 
    try to deny or detest 
    you were made by the greatest force 
    and source of eternal love and peace 
    meant to guide you down a path 
    where you learn to cease 
    from sullying the spirit, 
    where you learn to release from 
    routinely ruining the rest 
    of your existence.. 

    Better believe 
    no one's better or worse than you too 
    though you were shown to 
    compare, categorize and box in 
    every being and thing 
    ever to roam this realm.. 
     differences appear to overwhelm 
    which creates fear 
     too easily embraced and adapted to, 
    yet this is the "norm" and has been 
    for too long.. 
    We've always searched for and created 
    minimal individual differences, 
    singling out certain characters 
    making it not so difficult for most to distinguish between each being 
    in the most mindless of ways, 
    those who're blind to the fact that 
    we're bound to each other, 
    dependant on one another, 
    cosmic brothers 
     and sisters, 
    lost lovers 
    and resisters 
    of reality 
    navigating through nothingness 
    where we've wandered and pondered 
    for so so long 
    inventing all the rights and wrongs, 
    pretending to belong, 
    brainwashed to believe 
    "only the strong survive" 
    but I think 
    if one survives and manages to 
    find a reason to stay alive 
    they're strong anyways 
    cause they made it through. 
     So whatever struggles suffocate you 
    remind yourself, 
    this is your life 
    your mind 
    your body 
    your soul 
    and you're soul 
    so learning to let go is a must 
    as is placing trust 
     in yourself and others. 

    Before we hit the big sleep, 
    into spiritual seclusion 
    and universal fusion 
    we should wish to seep 
    while we still roam this realm 
    but it seems to slip from our fingertips, 
    quicker and quicker losing our grip 
    can't hold on to hope 
    to help ourselves 
    organize a better orchestration of 
    existential explorations and 
    eternal relations.. 
    We can never split from spirit 
    knowing we're always near it 
    and never need a reason to fear shit 
    especially each other 
    but the turmoil is transparent 
    as it's always been, 
    apparent and undeniably useless 
    but we got so used to it.. 

    I believe it would benefit and better 
    us all to believe 
    each thing in this universe 
    is ultimately unique yet 
    united through an underlying 
    life force of sorts I suspect 
    which doesn't have to be taken as fact 
    just a feeling I have 
    as its up to us to inspect and reflect 
    upon these inner and infinite revelations 
    which has revealed and 
     allowed me to see 
    in every stranger's eyes"

  • shaman_among_machines 2w

    Fortress of silence

    Enclosed in this fortress of silence.. 
    fully inescapable and impervious to intruders 
    as is the source of the stress 
    which resides in the same vicinity 
    but that won't be end of me 
    or become the enemy 
    of the inner me 
    and now I won't intervene in this 
    intravenous insertion of obscene
    nightmarish scenes 
     and dreams 
     intensifying at times 
    I sense ever since 
    I awoke. 

    I'm just gonna sit back 
    watch 'em do what they will, 
    it's a skill I see to be able to
    free yourself from feeling 
      encaged and engaged to emotions, 
    to not contribute to creating 
     commotion within your cells 
      where divinity dwells but you can't tell 
     or even perceive that this power and path 
       can provide peace however faint 
        as the confusion begins to cease 
           from tainting the temple 
            that is your being, 
    from blinding you from seeing 
    there's no finding yourself or meaning 
    you gotta create it[you] 
    you oughta embrace it [yourself] 
    and ought not to disgrace this 
    truth and indisputable insight, 
    it's inside, found in 
    bone and mind 
    formed in 
    an unknown zone 
     beyond time 
    flowed through 
    these lines and rhymes 
    ricocheting round,
    reverberated through sound 
    and silence, 
    eternally surrounding 
    even in gory scenes 
    of violence and vulgarity. 

    Still ultimately unseen 
    and ignored by those ignorant 
    to this omnipresent essence 
    making its presence known 
    through every conceivable 
    shape, color and lesson. 
    It's impressive power and instinct 
    to mystify many, 
     seduce induce and entrance 
    through enticing, excessive expressions.
    It's contagious.
    This pure projection 
    of cosmic capabilities 
    is certain to enlighten and confuse 
    those not used to unity and unwilling 
    to submit to the beauty without judging. 

  • shaman_among_machines 3w

    Void within

    Forever flabbergasted 
    by fears and fantasies 
     filling up 
    that faultless void within, 
    we watch it overflow with 
    nowhere for the excess 
     existential expectations and 
    wasteful worries 
     to escape or evolve into or go
    which is nothing new we've seen this 
    through and through 
    become a typically predictable 
     point of view 
    by way of trial and error, 
    we tiptoed through denial and terror 
     only to take a step back 
    falling further off whatever path 
     was meant to keep us on track.. 
    to lure us into living and believing 
    there's nothing we lack 
    but we just love to let that lie linger 
    a lil longer 
    a lil louder 
    a lil prouder 
     of prolonging 
    the pursuit of peace 
    and progressing into purposelessness.. 

    Let's confess 
    it may be 
    more or less of a mess 
    but let's not obsess over 
    all these discreetly discussed demons destroying us collectively 
    from the inside out.. 
    can't run 
    can't hide 
    can't laugh 
    can't cry.. 
    nothing more 
    to try for 
    we're lost 
    so lost.. 
    more so than we've ever felt before.. 

    So may you bask in this 
    use it to uncover strengths 
    ultimately unknown 
     or abuse it 
    and sink deeper into darkness 
    immersed in 
    intense isolation 
    designing your own damnation 
    with no destination in mind.. 

     An eternal excursion 
    through nightmares and dreams 
    dispersed through dimensions 

  • shaman_among_machines 3w

    Being to behold

    A need a body 
    to be next to.. 
    Another being to hold 
    and behold, 
    someone with a beautiful mind and soul 
    to help me just not 
    lose control.. 

    Or maybe I'd just like 
    someone to seduce 
    and lust after 
    and fuck to be blunt, 
    obviously I'd prefer it to be with someone
    I can connect with 
    on those sacred 
     emotional, spiritual 
    and sensual levels but 
    I suppose at this point 
    I probably wouldn't pass up 
    any possibility of losing this virginity 
    which may be what it's all about 
    but not because I doubt or deceive myself into thinking time's running out 
    but because I just want to 
    experience that shit,
    the spectrum of 
    some strange and strong relationship 
    and sexual explorations.
    I must admit 
    I can't forsee it 
    at least not right now.. 
    but I don't wanna regret it,
    not taking any chances..
    I guess I underestimate 
    and underrate my urges 
    which urgently surge
    in the background of my 
    blacked out mind..

  • shaman_among_machines 3w

    So many lines

    So many lines 
    I've lost and let go 
    in my mind. 
    Maybe they weren't meant for me to find 
    but I search and reach for the remnants 
    of something that could've been 
     real remarkable 
    or absolute shit. 

    Guess I just gotta forget 
    and commit to capturing 
    the current 
    currently cascading.. 
    streaming through the soul 
    all knowing, 
    invading and sedating my skull 
    no signs of slowing 
    but fading fast.. 
    no foundation found around here 
    sometimes it's deemed 
    dark and dreary, 
    sometimes seems to never be seen 
    so clearly, 
    lacking focus 
    void of form 
    must be expressed excessively 
    less I get lost, 
     led further astray 
    withered away 
    within the storm swarming 
    the space behind these eyes 
    day after day.. 

    Worried I won't find the words 
    when my mind wanders.. 
    still so fixated on the flow 
     and fearful of letting go
    if I lose control 
     but as long as I show up 
     to the pages with a pen 
    in my hand 
     I can then begin to understand 
    it never ends or slows down, 
    it only arranges itself 
    resetting reality 
    resisting routines 
    but noticing a fondness for 
    a certain style of syllabic streaming, 
    rid of rules 
    no set structure or script to stick to 
    nothing to follow 
    except the flow itself 
    whenever it likes to show itself 
    but I've learned you should never 
    force it to expose itself 
    or even insist you're intent on 
    invoking it yourself 
    as it exists independently of you 
    though its expressed through you, 
    coming to be because of you, 
    you're not the master 
    perhaps not the puppet either 
    cause in some sense 
    you are it 
    if you own up to it 
    and stay open to it 
    and observe the process 
    even though periods of 
    complete unproductivity 
    to see if your capable of harnessing 
    that creative force 
    found filling the cosmos.. 

  • shaman_among_machines 7w


    Drawn to darkness 
    magnetized to madness.. 
    the magic and mundanity 
    testing my sanity. 

    Days spent stunned 
     in some sacred trance 
    or stressed and blinded 
    by my own ignorance, 
    still searching for spiritual significance 
    every moment merging
    with the mystery 
    always attracted to the ancientness..
    collected and forever connected 
     in this cosmic community, 
    where everything's equal through 
     universal uniqueness 
    and an ultimate understanding, 
    everyone's entitled to exist
    entirely as they are, 
    to be accepted by all 
    judged by none 
    never shunned or put down 
    never pushed around 
    just loved and embraced 
    never to be disgraced 
    only cherished by choice, 
    appreciation shown
    without even using thy voice. 

    A potential paradise 
    but a full on fantasy for the most part, 
    in my heart it's not hard to see 
    this can come to be true, 
    embraced and fully felt all throughout 
    this space which we occupy and share.

    We've created and accepted this experience in some way 
    and continue to every single day, 
    no escaping the effect our existence has on everything else. 
    For better or worse 
    we always decide 
     what something's worth. 
    We assume Earth is ours to control
    we took on the role of 
    "revolutionaries" and "dictators" 
    with no regard for the rest of reality.

    Mankind also finds itself 
    in this lil predicament within the infinite, 
    unwilling to understand 
    that without us 
    these lands and our fellow creatures 
    can function just fine, 
    without us 
    the world would spin on 
    with no problem 
    because you see 
    she is not dependant on us for anything 
    other than our art maybe 
    and for us to give a fuck 
    but we... 
    we would perish in no time 
    with no sun 
    no rain 
    no plants 
    no creatures.. 
    there's no way we could ever make it 
    completely on our own 
    without some other beings here 
     to take care of the place while 
    we wonder and wander around 
    thinking thinking thinking 
    creating creating creating things 
    altering everything 
    which does nothing to enhance 
    the planets overall well being, 
    not that we're interested in that anyway these days its clearer than ever 
    the effect we've had on everything 
    especially the environment 
    it's hard not to notice.. 
     the only thing nature needs from us 
    is for us to give a fuck, 
    to take a chance and make an effort 
    to enhance everyone's existence here 
    or at the very least leave it as it is 
    but not make it worse than it was before 
    without even taking responsibility 
    for all of our wrongdoings 
    it's quite disappointing, 
    to think about an ending where 
    the world doesn't make it 
    due to what we didn't do 
    to save it and ourselves. 

  • shaman_among_machines 7w


    Learning from each universal expression, 
    intrigued by the infinite levels of life, 
    different realms, different realities 
    all unfolding and revolving 
     around each other at once.. 
    so damn much too take in 
    impossible to ever understand and
    know everything, too massive of a mystery 
    to make out but we hate doubt 
    so we'll keep looking and discovering and identifying all of it. 

    Learning from each moment of stillness 
    to have the will and skill to feel less stress, 
    to not second guess every single sensation, 
    every piece of information, 
     or every image emerging from the imagination, 
    watch it all come and let it all go 
    when you do you will know 
    you will know you will know 
    and you will see.

  • shaman_among_machines 10w

    Wish I could find more time to read all this poetry there's just no fucking time yaknow? #poetry #thoughts #life

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    Bad habit

    These tormenting thoughts
    roaming round and round,
    they seem to never
    not make a sound,
    an answer never to be found
    I feel as I peel back the layers
    revealing what's real.

    Reflecting ridiculously,
    aimlessly analyzing,
    pointless ponderings
    pushing me deeper and deeper..
    dragging myself down daily
    it's a damn bad habit
    hard to break
    even harder to take
    if I keep this up
    I won't make it long
    but I gotta stay strong
    through each senseless or
    selfish struggle,
    through each moment of silence
    through the underlying uncertainty
    overwhelming everyone it seems
    especially me,
    through the waking nightmares
    and drawn out dreams,
    each little scream
    reminding me over and over again
    each reaction is a choice
    whether or not I acknowledge
    or realize if it's conscious or subconscious
    I create my own suffering
    so much so these days
    as I stay in some daze
    so far away in my mind..