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  • shirleyyy 11w


    It's like I am thrown into deep waters,
    Unable to swim, unable to drown.
    I'm cold, I'm freezing;
    I need an anchor to hold me down.


  • shirleyyy 12w

    The Light Behind The Hills

    It's just another day of being 'fine',
    Another night I look up at the stars that shine.
    Only to find a graveyard of universe filled with dead stars.
    Dead for millions of years,
    And light years behind what happiness ever meant to me.
    But still shining brightly for the eyes of others seeking peace.

    For a second, I try to hold my breath,
    And wonder what it would be like.
    To finally be happy, to be free,
    To stop feeling so incomplete.
    To be in a place where I don't feel lost when I smile.
    I breathe out and find myself wondering with a sigh,
    How miserable I must be,
    To feel more alive in my dreams than my reality.

    Then into the distance the hills catch my sight.
    A flicker of light outlining the lows and the highs.
    Through the darkness, for a few moments, it shined.
    As if it was telling me to hold onto time.
    To not look down when I walk on this tight rope of life.
    A silhouette of future filled with uncertainty.
    Reminding me of something that only I can see.

    I try to keep my balance and make everyone happy.
    I try my best to not look down and dwell in my worries.
    A journey filled with challenges unforeseen,
    To the destination of my dreams.
    Where happiness doesn't seem to be just a fantasy,
    Or a feeling I keep yearning for as I live.

    Where hope is not just a painful wish,
    But a bridge connecting my reality to my dreams.
    I see a person on the other side,
    Smiling with bright eyes,
    Who looks like everything I ever wanted to be.
    A reflection of me from the future,
    Just waiting there for me.

    Just waiting,
    For me to stand in front of that mirror,
    And finally, see.


  • shirleyyy 12w


    I had been bottling up my feelings recently.
    Felt great to have the power it had given me.
    Silence had become my security to survive;
    But little did I know, it had started exhausting me.

    I had always struggled with expression.
    I wish I knew better.
    "How much is too much?"
    I wish I asked myself sooner.

    Trust to me came easily.
    The strength of words was inevitable for me.
    But I expected to be fixed by people,
    who needed fixing desperately.

    What was naive of me,
    I thought of it to be prejudice against me.
    Yet a part of me must've believed,
    That someone out there could just be there for me.

    I have always felt deeply.
    Letting my emotions take charge completely.
    It was the only thing that made me feel alive.
    The fact that no one is truly okay, then, unbeknownst to me.

    Little by little, I reverted into the comfort of my own being.
    Feeling for seconds, stone cold instantly.
    Am I truly okay? I don't really know.
    But I picked up the pieces, I helped me grow.

    The hypocrisy still stands strong.
    A race in the pursuit of happiness.
    But there is one thing that became clear with the unravelling storm.
    Living by seeking validation cannot fix what’s truly broken.


  • shirleyyy 12w


    Sleep isn't coming to me tonight.
    No matter how hard I try.
    The pictures of your arms around her,
    They're replaying and killing me inside.
    I know it's been years since us,
    Since it was me instead of her.
    But I see the way you look at her now,
    And the way your eyes light up,
    Like she's the brightest star of your universe.
    I kept looking, searching,
    For a trace of me in you.
    When I could find none,
    I convinced myself it couldn't be true.
    For I knew my eyes held all of your stories,
    Stories you wouldn't know about yourself.
    The way your eyes formed beautiful crescents when you smiled,
    Running your fingers through your already tousled hair when your thoughts ran wild,
    The sound of your contagious laughter resonating every time,
    The way you always felt more than you liked,
    Making me feel every beat of my heart.
    I knew it was evident,
    You put galaxies in my eyes,
    And I had no reason to hide them,
    Because no one could make me feel otherwise.
    I had so much love to give,
    I wanted to fill your heart upto it's brim for you.
    I didn't know if you were here to stay,
    But even then I knew I'd wait for you.
    It's been years,
    I thought I had moved on;
    But all it took was one look,
    And I knew I had been standing still at the same spot.
    Just waiting,
    For you.


  • shirleyyy 12w


    Sometimes I'm hopeful,
    Sometimes I'm lost,
    Everytime I see the rain pouring,
    There's a different reflection of me in every drop.

    Whenever I question the purpose of my being,
    The rain has never let me feel lonely.
    Maybe it's supposed to show me,
    That I'm made up of more than just stories.

    It pours and washes my doubts away,
    That burn me like an enraged fire from within,
    Turning my peace into ashes,
    Slowly flying off with the wind.

    So before I lose myself again,
    The rain always gets a hold of me,
    Pouring over my fires,
    As the water droplets trickle down my skin.

    Bringing me back to reality,
    Showing me there is more to life than just living.
    For what I fail to see,
    Is the light in me that has always been radiating.

    It glows brighter when it rains,
    Passing through the translucense of the drops,
    It splits into colours of wonder, unrestrained.
    Mirroring the capabilities in me I could never envisage.

    It leaves me with the familiar essence of petrichor,
    And drenched in the most abstract form of love.
    Making me believe the rain is my well-wisher,
    That the heavens granted me from above.

    So every time it rains,
    I step out to feel more alive than I've ever felt.
    For it has taught me to remember and celebrate,
    That I am more than how I let my scars and mistakes define myself.


  • shirleyyy 50w

    This poem is about the agonizing emotion that we feel, but fail to give a name to it. It's about the struggle of feeling too much sometimes, feeling too many emotions at once.


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    What is it that I’m feeling?
    Is this real or am I dreaming?
    It’s something I fail to explain time and again.
    Something which strikes me and makes me go insane.
    Desperate in search of a name.
    To realise what it exactly is,
    so I can do something about this terrible pain.
    I’m screaming inside but I can’t let it out.
    Helplessness takes over and all I can do is wait for it to pass somehow.
    I know I’m stronger than this, but I am the one who keeps pulling myself down.
    The intensity of my emotions so raw and profound;
    It scares me to my bones as it echoes within me, so loud.
    It takes away my energy and knocks me to the ground.
    So for now I’ll let myself believe this is a dream,
    And escape while I wait for the fighting spirit to awaken within me.


  • shirleyyy 78w

    I don’t know what’s worse.
    Having you or losing you?
    Your love felt suffocating at times;
    But your love also felt like a warm embrace.
    A blanket I could hide under and cry;
    But it was also so dark and lonely inside.
    I could see you happy with me.
    I knew you could make me happy too.
    But was it the kind of happy I wanted to be,
    Or was it something that I took just because it was given away too soon?
    The confusion killed me.
    Slowly but steadily the unsettling feeling began to sink in.
    For what I once was,
    I couldn’t seem to find it in me anymore.
    My mind began to race;
    My heart had slowed down it’s pace.
    Now I don’t know what was worse.
    Having you by my side time and again?
    Or eventually losing you to achieve what I thought was mine?

  • shirleyyy 103w

    Breathe in, breathe out.
    Repeat until your lungs give out.
    As days, years, decades go by,
    Only memories will struggle to thrive.
    To remind you again,
    That in the life you left behind,
    You were once alive.

    Lost, to be found.
    Like papers left untouched,
    Wrinkled with ink under the dust,
    Waiting to be read out loud.
    Painted in black and blue,
    Chipping off at the edges;
    Stories echoing inside bondages of time,
    Held hostage until someone enters,
    And finally breathes life into them.

    The wait seems endless,
    Like a shore in sight
    As we're stuck in the middle of an ocean.
    Knowing what needs to be done to survive,
    But fear takes a step forward,
    To remind you "what if you die?"

    Time is moving,
    But this life seems to be static.
    We see people tirelessly working
    Until it's too late to realise.
    Pleasure becomes a fleeting moment.
    As what needs to be done takes over.
    Following an endless routine,
    Is what becomes of our life.

    Life demands to be lived.
    But we seem to be living to die.
    Is this what we struggle for?
    Or will this become the greatest regret of our life?


  • shirleyyy 112w

    A Moment Of Bliss.

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    Ignorance is bliss.
    Or atleast that is what they say.
    A game of countless lives while we co-exist.
    With nothing or maybe everything to gain.
    We seek for love and affection,
    In places dark and unknown.
    Reaching out for challenges unforeseen,
    Embracing the unpredictable as a whole.
    Contemplating about the choices we make,
    Living with the results we create.
    Losing control of the turns we take,
    Helplessly suffering for someone else's sake.
    Ignorance is bliss.
    Or atleast that is what they say.
    Silenced, as we co-exist.
    Going further away from our dreams,
    Realisation sinks in,
    But it's already too late.
    Ignore, be happy.
    Apparently, that's the price we have to pay.
    For this is what we call bliss,
    Imagining about the world we could've made.


  • shirleyyy 113w

    "...what's going on in my mind? Nobody knows."


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    Mistakes I made,
    Lessons I learned,
    The reality I tried to escape,
    While living with the emotions that burned.
    Curiosities were killed,
    Sometimes a silent sob,
    Other times a loud screech,
    The darkest corner of my room,
    Has always been a friend to me.
    It sheltered my vulnerable self,
    A soul so distraught and weak.
    The joy seemed distant,
    As I recall the days,
    The days disguised by light,
    With the darkness hidden within.
    Battles I've fought,
    Stories to be told,
    Haunting tales of our glorious lives,
    A history that taught me to be bold.