This is not me speaking This is not me- Oh, but it is And let me tell you one thing I hate having you Inside my head It annoys the hell out of me I detest your presence Even though I won't Admit it And I hate the fact That I'm forced, to put up with you No, that's not true Listen to me, I can explain- Oh but I can't I've been counting Did you know? Each time you turned away Waved me off And I kept trying Trying to laugh it off My eyes still followed Yours all the way through And did you notice The way they slit At the end? Tell me, did you? .... ...... See? Told you This IS me speaking I'm my new voice And I have punched you Countless times in my head; With prehand planning Wait, I just made that up You know I don't mean it You know, don't you? Dont you? Dont you- Oh but I do I mean every single word I have said And I will say I want you dead Then flash you a smile Because I know you Could never resist them, right? I know, I can charm; But that's not the point You see, I hate that you can Talk about me I hate how you Have known me since years Even though I pretend To hide my vulnerability I hate that you Have witnessed it too closely To forget No, don't listen to me Don't listen- Dont listen- Listen to me I have a seperate Room for hatred Inside of my heart And I would've let you in If you had been willing To keep a secret I'm not a complicated person You must realise I just have specific standards A perfectionist, You might say I let you believe I'm clumsy But believe me not, For my mind is the most Organised place you will ever Step into Not that I'll ever invite you again Not voluntarily, at least But you see, You've always had a way Of sneaking into my life A smooth slither Of a snake Which I dearly hate And the venom still burns Till date I- ..... Well fuck- Victory! I like to think As my writer self approaches The darker corner Of my mental catalogue I brought her there You brought her there And she loves it there Do you wanna hear a joke? Roses are red Chocolates are brown I expect nothing And I'm still let down ...... Please, please laugh- On second thought, Please don't Your laugh sets my teeth On the edge It's haunting When you laugh at me Did I tell you? Did I? ..... Look at me, look at me- Why won't you look at me! Can you hear me? ..... Or hang on; Have I killed you already?
Men are scampering like bairns. Women are jabbering incessantly. 'Newspaper, Newspaper, Newspaper" constantly incanting the teenage boy, peddling newspaper effervescently.
Over the ticket window, one of the many there, I observe an extensive queue, stretching perpetually. I could see pugnacious commuters shoving each other, & yelling at the lassitude of the vendor, calling him the name. I gleefully discarded the idea of breaking the queue as lame.
I run splash-dash and took my position innocently, without breaking the decorum of the queue. After a surfeit of strokes from left & right, & moving to & fro, I finally succeed in reaching the ticket counter. A jarring noise is heard when I begin to saunter.
On tenterhooks, I run pell-mell to catch the train. Passengers headlong rampage through the platform as the train whistles its departing horn. As the forlorn crowd drifts away after the train departure, my teary eyes behold the pieces of the ticket I had torn.
Bursting at the seams just a few seconds ago, the station is now draped in gloomy silence, till the time of the arrival of the next train. Every time I hear the jarring noise of the train's engine, a twinge of pain strikes me, giving me a migraine.
For bread and butter, I locked my home and traveled to this far away unfamiliar land. Drudgery & travailing for long hours made it impossible to reach ticket counter earlier. Although there is another one on the time-table, there is left no penny in hand.
I failed to protect the keys from the rust. Kith and kins, along with the paths leading to my home, must be waiting for me with bated breath. And the one whom I once promised the moon must be beseeching her God to meet me soon.
I have long forgotten the count of how many futile attempts I have made and how many such trains I have missed, how many time I have lied on the solitary bench and fall asleep, how many times I've tried to cut my wrist.