I begged to be freed from this suffocation. Lay on my bed and watch hours pass by. Thoughts of us came hushing over. With the winter winds under the night sky. We are not together anymore. We are not "us" anymore. The night haunts me like a black shadow. And I cry within the pain meadow. I break down on my room tonight. As I couldn't get 20th Dec out of my head. I kept seeing things I wish I would have forget. But you can't know how much you have hurt me, Even when you are right here,right now Right in front of me.
1)I am missing someone who is not missing me right now. 2)Now a days,days are cold and nights,warm. 3)My sins are countable.But feeling guilty isn't. 4)Heaven is dark in my life and someway,dark is cozy. 5)I don't over think.I just live in my own imaginary world,always. 6)Ignorant to love but still want to be loved. 7)I would rather struggle than ask for help cos I am tired of empty promises and getting it thrown in my face. 8)Loneliness sucks.So does people. 9)Materialistic world is affecting the humanity in humans.So we are learning to get attached to artificial things than emotions. 10)My bed is my best friend.Cos all my stars collide and talk to each other. 11)I hide my feelings.Walls are high.Please don't give them the details,I still fall for love. 12)In my monochromatic world,Only dead rainbows exist. 13)The fire inside me has collapsed down.I am learning to stay calm,cold,dejected. 14)Not everyone or everything affects me.But something great does.And that something is not letting me to be alive. 15)My pills have shut down all my feelings,emotions,heaviness,purely everything.Now emptiness rules. 16)Have very countable acquaintances.Shy and introvert. 17)Writing down is solace.Poetry is love.Escape. 18)I miss the old me.Vibrant,fierce,raging warrior. 19)I will silently walk away from you if I feel dejected.No questions,no drama. 20) Where do dead people go ? Cos I am homesick.
When light inside of you is so lit that you can become anything you want but you choose to be burn down and fall hard in love with the ashes cos you are still tugged with the heart of past.Aren't we all doing the same? Moved on with mask but in reality,still stuck.Flames dance over the bones of an unfinished sonnet,now half-remembered and strewn about the ashes of a love huddled in the cold.But you know,you have hope left inside you.And one day you will rise,scintillating and vibrantly beautiful.Strong and captivating.As the ground is hard,and the sky is soft...ashes fly from flesh floating streaks of bodies that stare at a sun with no country.And there you stand with wishes on hands and fire on heart,to rebuild yourself like a ravishing powerful Phoenix.
//From ashes,you must rise.From the dust to a wise//
I will speak in broken words and find escape in your shadow.I will splash cold water in your eyelashes and make a home out of snow.Shall count the stars before closing eyes and make love in early sunrise.Shall dance in the first rain and keep a watch to early spring.Shall make food and feed you in my own hands and let you sleep in my arms.Shall go for a late night walk in town and sprinkle joy in all our tomorrows.Shall sing hymns of togetherness and bake cake for your birthday. Shall skip my work only to spend an extra time with you.Shall be awake till late night until you are off to sleep.Shall prepare breakfast for you and help you with the dishes.Shall read our favourite novels together with a cup of coffee in hands.Shall gift you the prettiest gown for the date and let you kiss our fate.Shall kiss you thousand times and wait for you daily if you are late. There will be times when you will push me away but I will always come back,for you,for us.I will always love you,Remember that.
You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself.