#beauty (1. It's raw, couldn't alter, 2. I feel it's incomplete, I just barely managed to justify the idea, pardon. ) Image source: Pinterest
Beauty is 'being aware' Aware of your 'trueself ', beneath the layers of stigmas and insecurities, acknowledging your 'SELF ', your blacks, your whites, your thoughts, with all the limitations & every vulnerability, to be just raw, unadulterated, stark-naked you!
Beauty is 'being generous' Firstly towards you. Knowing that we cradle an infant, in our cranium-boxes, that's so curious, so credulous, impartial, indifferent, loves everything, learns everything, eavesdrop when you are not knowing, It over-emphasizes, over-thinks & over-exaggerates everything. It can be a friend or a foe, which one it is, Is entirely on you. Be conscious, be generous and mother it well with right thoughts.
Beauty is 'knowingly loving' we pull up our guards to protect ourselves, because we fear, being hurt. And that, there has been a part of us that has hankered on 'being loved'. And may be someone else could never fill you, may be because you are so much evolved emotionally than them, and that 'they' are doing the best 'they' can. And that one person you waited for, to fill in you the love you craved for... was always you. when you are loved by you, ardently, truly... nothing would matter much, Never ! Fill in so much love, Be yourself inside out.
Beauty is 'being compassionate' Towards you and towards others, knowing that they too have no much difference, and so, to never be fooled by the 'brain' child, following the words of disgrace, hurled at you by anyone. Instead, follow the mute cries of hurt, they have been through, their environment that molded them to instil their present mindset. Be generous!
Beauty is 'being shameless' Overtly that when we acknowledge our vulnerabilities, others who watch us, get inspired to be confident and comfortable in accepting theirs! To embrace all of the pain and hurt that bothers you, to cry oceans when needed, and 'to know' when its needed. You need to empty the bowl before you can fill it with something!
Beauty lies within... without... beneath... & above. It comes from perception, Of knowing, Of acknowledging and of 'Self-approving'. It never 'comes' with time or age because it never 'left' , It was always there, waiting for us to unfold the blindfolds and when that happens, no physical attributes would find grounds !
Beauty is just about 'everything', every dark, every light, greys or whites. It is in 'you' and it is in 'me'.
And I don't need a validation for that, nor do you !
(I'm so sorry, I tried my best to shorten it but couldn't help! A series of true incidents that happened on a single day. )
The day I missed my flight.. It was not so good, but it was not so bad either. It was a constant fight between the two on claiming that day !
My cousin sister was getting married, and my parents had already left. I had decided to go after my exams along with my best friend, who had never been before to my state. So, that made both of us really excited, besides the fact, that we would be travelling together to my home. She loves travelling.
Before I tell you about the incident, I have a small confession to make, I really suck on being on time. Trust me, I try my best to not to, but every time it's either the hair or something else that puts me in trouble. Long,thick, wavy hair calls for a difficult task you see, 'should I cut them short', I've thought about it several times but that would worsen my situation. It'll be difficult to make them presentable !
I was awake till 1 a.m. that day, double-checked everything- the luggage, handbag, ticket, clothes I had decided to wear, the hair, yes sorted that too, I had decided them to pleat them into closely knit braid, we girls, call it a fish-tail, to safeguard them from humidity, which if, hit them would drive them crazy, I didn't wish them to display their acrobatics skills to everyone on the way. And amid all of this, I didn't double-check with the airlines about the flight details. Everytime my friend confronted me with this work, I passively, politely suggested her that if something was amiss, they would notify us through mail or text. Because nothing of that sort happened, let us take it as 'It's perfect', I said. So the next day, we reached airport, one and a half hour prior to the departure time. I enquired about the details at the counter, to be hit by the truck of the reality that we missed our flight, had we reached just 15 minutes earlier they would have arranged us another flight.
Nothing after the 'missed' part, was perceived by my senses. My parents, my friend and my relatives all just circled me up for a second in my mind, 'everything happened because you were late' echoed, then suddenly I thought about the next ticket.. then about the money an instant ticket would cost me.. and most importantly the source.. And about the toll, all of this would take on me. I came back to the senses when I heard the number 15, I asked her again what she meant, only to know that it was because of some technical issues from THEIR PART that they decided this. I felt so happy, it wasn't because of me.
She helped us with another flight for the same day but after 11 hours, we managed it somehow, one of our friend's came and surprised us, we talked to each other standing either side of the glass doors. And finally we boarded a connecting flight. It stopped at its first destination airport, people rushed in from everywhere, I couldn't find a familiar face that travelled with us, I couldn't hear the information that was meant for the people who had a connecting flight, I missed the detail and the person who gave that detail. I missed everything.
Next every other person, I met for help was someone, who couldn't follow what I said and I didn't make out any sense of what they said. We were standing against a language barrier. I was so appalled, it didn't feel real, it was simple we were supposed to just move.. sit.. wait.. and go.. but all we did was, ask.. search... walk-run-walk and be clueless.. With no one.. No one, indeed, to help! And time was running faster.. Faster than ever; I had no idea where to go, finally, I found someone who helped me reach there, where I had been all this time, clueless and helpless in confusion, moving around, just round and round. We made it to our long awaited destination at around 8, in the night, again it didn't stop yet, my father had come to receive us but because he was stuck for 3 hours in the traffic jam, he couldn't make it yet, although he had started too early.. Unlike me.
I felt so sorry for my friend, all I wanted was a safe journey , I guess, I forgot to add for atleast, an on time, if not, an early journey. All the excitement, the attention, and the energy slowly slipped away. And I couldn't do anything for her that made it worst. It was 11 p.m when they reached and picked us up, it was rash driving on the way considering every reason, one could imagine in that situation.
( Didn't end yet) Soon, we drove far away from the busy roads, it started getting quieter and suddenly our car broke down, tyre punctured. We stepped out of the car discussing everything absolutely done with it but still holding back our strength, with 'come, what may,' attitude and then it, started to rain.. just under a minute, even before we could finish our sentences like it was waiting for it, on time.
'Really', 'why so serious.. O lord' I thought and we were slowly soaking ourselves in the water. Thankfully it was all set to finally move, and we reached home at around 1 a.m. Both of us had nothing much to say only a strong need for a bed to sleep. The next day, we managed to be at the function but a little late, but this time we were asked to 'BE LATE' lovingly.
We still remember that day so vividly, nothing of what happened makes any sense till today, what was the moral behind everything we went through, from the beginning till the end, It was abnormally, 'Abnormal'. How shockingly everything just didn't work. We have made peace with that incident.
Certain incidents are like that, their meanings concealed, that's their kind of peculiar beauty, I guess. May be it will make sense after sometime, may be it will never, may be what we perceived as the 'worst' was actually 'the best' of what could have happened, perhaps, it was a blessing in disguise ! And so some secrets are better left unknown! However, the only plausible take away, I could come up from it is this, that no matter what, please do check with the airlines before you board a flight. Thank you, Mirakee for making me relive it again.
You know, I don't like coffee like I used to. Monsoon doesn't kiss my scars or dance upon my drunken vocabulary anymore. I don't count wrinkled autumn leaves in the loving memory of something I never had. I don't weave folktales assuming I'm the protagonist. I don't fall apart these days...
Keeping two heartbreaks aside I sip on the last cup of tranquility on a foggy morning. No, autumn didn't come like a gush of zephyr to lessen my woes. The pink of the bougainvillea doesn't match with the state of my mind. But, my heart is in the process of erasing these greys into a lighter shade
I've realised that the lover to your poems isn't always the healer to your heart. But I'm waiting till the time I'm able to love coffee and make monsoon dance to my songs.