the_sky_amante

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The only thing about pain...it demands to be felt.

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  • the_sky_amante 11w

    I wake up, to find the place beside me empty. I look around to see her. She is wearing my white shirt from last night. It fits her loosely hanging around her thighs, her hair is open as a lock of hair keeps falling on her face. She  is scribbling something in her diary, as she would occasionally look at me and continue writing.
      I could see her blank for this one  second as I would give up anything to hear her thoughts. She gets up from the chair walking her way to the kitchen . I follow her from bed. I gently hug her from back scaring her for a milli second. Her body relaxes as she knows it’s me. We would play this game  my hands around her as she would try to shove me off stamping at my legs as she makes the tea.
    I turn her around pulling her towards me.  Her eyes would look everywhere but at me, she’s nervous.  She has milk powder over her cheeks. I gently  rub it off as my hands trace her cheeks passing her lips down to her neck. She shakes like she could feel every touch carry some sort of electricity.
    She looks at me now, as my hands traces her neck, until we are close. She moves up a bit, accidentally meeting my lips with  her own. I could smell her, she smelled of roses and salt. Her skin was dry. We kept kissing as my hands reached her waist pulling her closer. We kept kissing until she drew back. And she looked scared. Her eyes looked at me with a sudden realization. Her eyes grew big almost looking like they’re about to escape the frame.

    “Sorry.” She said silently.

    “ Sagar, please please wake up please!!!!!!” I heard. I woke up with a jolt to find my mother sitting beside me and I am in my bed. I glance at the table and her diary still rests on the table.

    “ Beta, what has happened to you?” she said weeping. I didn’t hear her. My mind is stuck at where is she.

    I rushed up from my bed. Where’s she? I looked around the kitchen. It’s still. There’s no one. I check through our wardrobe. Her clothes are still there, the same.
    I flip through my phone dialling her number that I remember by heart.I want to hear her. Her phone line is blank.  I dial twice, and again, everytime with his hope that I’ll hear her voice complaining how she’d put her phone on silent and forgot or the goofy sound of her giggle. I run back to my room, her diary is closed, perhaps the only proof that she was here this morning.
    I flip through the pages hoping she would jump and snatch it away. She would get really irritated when I touched her diary. I   flip through the pages to the last page with just a handful of words.

    13th  July 2019,

    I love him. I really do. I will. Always.














    I quickly glance at mother. She looks at me with alert in her eyes. A  strange pain.

    “Have you been dreaming again?”

  • the_sky_amante 17w

    ©the_sky_amante

  • the_sky_amante 18w

    Happy 18th!

    When I woke up to the morning,
    There were two old eyes,
    As if inspecting if got any new change in size.
    I smiled, and she smiled too,
    Her hands brushing on my head into a relaxing way.

    " Get up, it's a new day" she would say, as she left the room.
    I rolled a bit on bed as I would normally do,
    As my phone pinged with messages a few.

    As I would sit on the table to have my breakfast,
    And realize it's my favorite

    I would eat it licking the bowl clean
    And the lady would laugh and giggle seeing me.
    She would flash me a note of 20,
    As the old days,
    The ritual of the amount which meant more than lacs to me,
    When I was in the 5th standard.
    I would get her into a bear hug as now am taller than her,
    She would lean on me as I would kiss on her hair as she hates to be kissed on the face,
    Saying she gets pimples.
    When I am back home around,
    She got a cake ready,
    The one with choclate and chocolate all over,
    And a thaali with red religious powder.

    She would do a small pooja and then let me cut the cake,

    With the candles 18 on the top,

    The loudest clap and the sweetest yet,

    Her singing 'Happy Birthday '

    And I fell in love with her all over again.

    She would also do the honours of the makeover with the chocolate cake,

    And enjoy that very well.

    And then she would make faces,

    When I deprive her of the joy of eating the chocolate cake.

    She would say my beti grew up so fast,

    And then sleep keeping a hand on my stomach,

    As I would sing her lullabies, the very same she used to sing me and forgot.

    And the eighteenth birthday ended, with new memories in my lot.

  • the_sky_amante 19w

    The fan on the ceiling was a matter of interest. The arrangement consisted of me and my brother being the veggie in the sanwich of mom and dad. I wonder if that was the reason I don't have any other sibling because we did a perfect job of being the kabab in the haddi. No doubts in that.
    At times I would lay on the bed like an octopus, having my hands and legs all around the bed, just admiring the fan. How it revolved so fast and speedy. I would sometimes try to count the turns but then the fan went too fast. Sometimes I would just turn the switch on and off to see how the hook of the fan made a movement and made a click sound.
    It was the winters when the house maid did the discovery of the fan not working anymore when she switched it on, for the wet floor.The fan had no respect in winters hence, the matter wasn't look upon.
    That year the summers came early, so now the fan was required. Dad was a super genius, he would manage to get things working with the standard twelve knowledge of science he had. But this time, his knowledge failed and a proper electrician(mistri uncle as we called him) was called for. Mistri Uncle not only made the fan work on the touch of his screwdriver, but also gave it a tinge of modification. But now it had some issues.

    ~issue no. 1: It would run faster than ever.

    ~if you're wondering why issue no.1 is a issue, here's issue number 2: The regulator won't work.

    The fan would look murderous to me now. It was so speedy now that everytime a wave of wind came, it would shake crazy and make me think it is going to fall.
    In our sandwich arrangement the three foot me, couldn't sleep. I would keep asking Dad if the fan would fall. He would just tell me to shut my mouth and sleep. Unfortunately, shutting my mouth won't shut my thoughts.
    "If the fan fell, will I loose my hand or my legs? Or eyes? No no not eyes!"
    "Would I be able to call the ambulance if the fan fell? Wait! What's the number of the ambulance?"
    I would have asked Dad if he wasn't snoring already.

    "If the fan fell, will it kill brother? Woah then I can have the television all for myself!"

    "Naah naah that's a sinful thought, I love my brother. He's a bastard though. "

    "Why is the fan's speed increasing? I am dead".

    Harpes playing, me ascending through the stairs of heaven (the same tom went into).

    Me:"lWas I a good human?
    Haddi mera baddi: Fuck off! You're just dreaming.
    Me: Shh don't use bad words. I will tell mom.

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    Thoughts being Kid.

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  • the_sky_amante 19w

    A kite I am,
    Made of just paper and sticks,
    I am tossed into the sky,
    To reach heights and cut others of my kind,
    I stay still,
    And move in the direction of the wind,
    And sometimes I want to reach higher above the sky
    But the strings,
    They pull me back the more I try,
    Realising the flight isn't my own, I sigh.
    Let me go, and set me free
    I say as the other of my kind
    Helps me through,
    And cuts away my strings
    I fall down and down,
    Happy though,
    As this fall I am having
    Is my very own,
    I smile as the wind blows me away to some random place,

    And I retire to the ground of some unknown valley with grace.

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    Read the caption.

  • the_sky_amante 20w

    ©the_sky_amante

  • the_sky_amante 20w

    We are made to fly, through a thousand miles, into the ocean like skies,discovering it's depths.


    ©the_sky_amante

  • the_sky_amante 20w

    I wonder if the moon ever felt lonely,

    Being around a galaxy of stars.

    ©the_sky_amante

  • the_sky_amante 20w

    Don't worry, you'll get well soon,
    For there's always a sun after a moon.

    ©the_sky_amante

  • the_sky_amante 21w

    I have been buring my feelings since long and now I feel it's time I answer to your question as to who am I to you,and why will I love you?
    So here you go.I love you infinity a lot. Okay? But I am not ready to love. I love you so much that I never want to hung up those 12 am video calls, when am I am in a mood to overthink .I love you so much that I always want to see you smiling, without me sometimes because I know I will not be there when you need me.
    I love you so much that I get jealous when you call another girl sexy or cute(never acknowledge me with the same words you acknowledge others with).
    I love you enough that I hate it when you get frustrated for stupid things or when you go for a college bhakti mission.
    I love to hate you at times, it gives me a feeling of love and I love it.
    I love the way our fights don't last long(max:3 days).
    I love the way we are never able to go far from each other even after we fight.
    I love the way we have blocked each other several times and always knowingly left a plot hole through which we can reach each other even after blocking.
    I love to imagine you in future, a successful man....and you know what? Search for me in the crowd. Trust me I will be right there
    Your biggest admirer. Your biggest fan.
    I love you enough to see you shine and bloom in front of me. Not with me probably. But I love you. Know that. Okay?
    I may not tell you this everyday
    And maybe it will again be an eternity later that I open up again and express my feelings. There have been times that even in the moment when I hate everything I secretly wish you.
    Because I guess no one has clinged to me for so long without having expectations and hopes.
    You're the truest soul and I hate you more than the world.(P.S. girls are confusing)
    And I hate to say that I love you.
    But I do.

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    Dear Someone more than a friend,

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