The fan on the ceiling was a matter of interest. The arrangement consisted of me and my brother being the veggie in the sanwich of mom and dad. I wonder if that was the reason I don't have any other sibling because we did a perfect job of being the kabab in the haddi. No doubts in that. At times I would lay on the bed like an octopus, having my hands and legs all around the bed, just admiring the fan. How it revolved so fast and speedy. I would sometimes try to count the turns but then the fan went too fast. Sometimes I would just turn the switch on and off to see how the hook of the fan made a movement and made a click sound. It was the winters when the house maid did the discovery of the fan not working anymore when she switched it on, for the wet floor.The fan had no respect in winters hence, the matter wasn't look upon. That year the summers came early, so now the fan was required. Dad was a super genius, he would manage to get things working with the standard twelve knowledge of science he had. But this time, his knowledge failed and a proper electrician(mistri uncle as we called him) was called for. Mistri Uncle not only made the fan work on the touch of his screwdriver, but also gave it a tinge of modification. But now it had some issues.
~issue no. 1: It would run faster than ever.
~if you're wondering why issue no.1 is a issue, here's issue number 2: The regulator won't work.
The fan would look murderous to me now. It was so speedy now that everytime a wave of wind came, it would shake crazy and make me think it is going to fall. In our sandwich arrangement the three foot me, couldn't sleep. I would keep asking Dad if the fan would fall. He would just tell me to shut my mouth and sleep. Unfortunately, shutting my mouth won't shut my thoughts. "If the fan fell, will I loose my hand or my legs? Or eyes? No no not eyes!" "Would I be able to call the ambulance if the fan fell? Wait! What's the number of the ambulance?" I would have asked Dad if he wasn't snoring already.
"If the fan fell, will it kill brother? Woah then I can have the television all for myself!"
"Naah naah that's a sinful thought, I love my brother. He's a bastard though. "
"Why is the fan's speed increasing? I am dead".
Harpes playing, me ascending through the stairs of heaven (the same tom went into).
Me:"lWas I a good human? Haddi mera baddi: Fuck off! You're just dreaming. Me: Shh don't use bad words. I will tell mom.
A kite I am, Made of just paper and sticks, I am tossed into the sky, To reach heights and cut others of my kind, I stay still, And move in the direction of the wind, And sometimes I want to reach higher above the sky But the strings, They pull me back the more I try, Realising the flight isn't my own, I sigh. Let me go, and set me free I say as the other of my kind Helps me through, And cuts away my strings I fall down and down, Happy though, As this fall I am having Is my very own, I smile as the wind blows me away to some random place,
And I retire to the ground of some unknown valley with grace.
I have been buring my feelings since long and now I feel it's time I answer to your question as to who am I to you,and why will I love you? So here you go.I love you infinity a lot. Okay? But I am not ready to love. I love you so much that I never want to hung up those 12 am video calls, when am I am in a mood to overthink .I love you so much that I always want to see you smiling, without me sometimes because I know I will not be there when you need me. I love you so much that I get jealous when you call another girl sexy or cute(never acknowledge me with the same words you acknowledge others with). I love you enough that I hate it when you get frustrated for stupid things or when you go for a college bhakti mission. I love to hate you at times, it gives me a feeling of love and I love it. I love the way our fights don't last long(max:3 days). I love the way we are never able to go far from each other even after we fight. I love the way we have blocked each other several times and always knowingly left a plot hole through which we can reach each other even after blocking. I love to imagine you in future, a successful man....and you know what? Search for me in the crowd. Trust me I will be right there Your biggest admirer. Your biggest fan. I love you enough to see you shine and bloom in front of me. Not with me probably. But I love you. Know that. Okay? I may not tell you this everyday And maybe it will again be an eternity later that I open up again and express my feelings. There have been times that even in the moment when I hate everything I secretly wish you. Because I guess no one has clinged to me for so long without having expectations and hopes. You're the truest soul and I hate you more than the world.(P.S. girls are confusing) And I hate to say that I love you. But I do.