Life can be very harsh. We all have our troubles. There have been times when I wanted to end it all, too. I’ve watched a few end it for themselves. I choose to endure the pain and keep going. I’ve tried to self medicate with drugs and alcohol and it worked temporarily, but intoxicating substance use seems to bring along new troubles. Yet, I still consider going back to that form of comfort. Maybe in the future 🤷🏻♂️All I can do is speak for myself, from my own experiences. I do my best to not hurt others with my words and actions. I try to help others where and when I can. This helps me to believe that my existence isn’t a total waste of space and time. Most of the time the results are good, but sometimes it doesn’t do me any good at all and only brings me more troubles and heartache. I’m not filled with answers and solutions to the problems this world visits upon all of us. I just have bruises and scars to prove that I’m on the same road and doing my best to learn and help the ones who struggle along side of me. I can’t deliver you miracles, but I can point you in the direction where miracles are said to come from and from where I’ve experienced a few myself. I can promise you that if I’m needed to help make a miracle transpire into your life, I will do the work to make it happen. I’m no magic man. I wear no crown of glory. I am no prize of a being. I’m just another struggling soul who blends in with the rest, but who has decided to share the blessings I receive with others on my trail. I wish you well and hope that you fare better than me on this journey. 🙏
I think about the lonely souls Who feel not warm embracesWho labor on throughout the dayAbsent of smiling facesI ponder thoughts of hardened hearts In cold and darkened placesWhere anger festers and jealousy clings and hateful thoughts are chasersI contemplate their depths of painWhy must they suffer so ?Who shuffled out the cards they hold ? A hand not worth a showI watch how they just turn and goDisgust in full display.Repelled by laughter, joy and funNo words of love they sayWhy do these sad lives exist ?Why must this go on ?How can we smile and look away and sing our happy songs ?
A female spirit danced with me.Intrigued she was, so said she.Did not display my full array.I planned that for another day. Soon the novelty was lost.The dance slowed to a final toss.Although I’d hoped that she would stay,The one for me will come someday and we shall glow in full array.
So much beauty in the worldYet, so much sadnessA glistening smile hereA broken countenance thereThe butterfly lands on a flowering weedgrowing out of a crack in a filthy alleywayThe smell of stale alcohol drifts into an open window that a child tearfully peers out of, waiting for someone kind to talk toThe sun warms the trees and gently caresses the faces of beasts, insects and mankind The earth spins while we imagine the sun moving across the sky, utilizing the lighted scenery for both good and badSome content, some longing for a purposeful existence Everything and everyone, different The melding of both the common and unique Finally the spin of the earth takes us to the dark side and the electricity buzzes and crackles Minds relax and brains fryViolence erupts as expected Our continued revolution takes us back for another spell of light and we return to our routinesThe beginning is the end and the end, the beginning. Round and round and round we go.
Late at night I try to writeI tap the keys in dim lit lightI search for words to entertain The effort seems to be in vainStill, I contemplate this taskVoid Covid fears I shun my mask I know not what I might say nextTap, tap, tap ... I write my textI have no message that need be saidNothing here that must be read Just wasting time for fun, I guessWriting practice, nonetheless
Do I believe in God ?Do I believe in eternity ?Do I believe in peace ?Do I believe in love ?Do I believe in mercy and forgiveness ?Do I believe in success ?Do I believe in Karma ?Do I believe in consequences ?Do I believe in failure ?Do I believe in suffering ?Do I believe in loneliness ?Do I believe in jealousy ?Do I believe in insecurities ?Do I believe in drunkenness ?Do I believe in naivety ?Do I believe in kindness ?Do I believe in darkness ?Do I believe in awareness ?Do I believe in salvation ?Do I believe in redemption ?Do I believe in fear ?Do I believe in happiness ?Do I believe in reality ?Do I believe any of the things that I say I believe in ?
I awaken to a new dayI know not what awaits me I ready myself like I do most daysSomewhat neutral in mindsetMostly happy with some melancholy undertones I carry hope in my heart and dream of enlightenment in this life experience.I wonder if I’ll ever meet a woman who’ll find me interesting enough to want to learn more about me and not grow bored half way through my preface.I don’t put too much effort or energy into that pondering thought.I set out to accomplish good in this day.I make the best tasting coffee and it’s always a good way to start.I brush my hair and throw on my cap. Phone in hand I climb into my truckI drive down the same streets on my way to some new locations and some of the same.I meet with nice people and do my best at helping them with their many requests of home repairs and maintenance.As the day draws to an end, I begin my return to my humble abode. I stop to visit my two youngest boys at their mother’s place and assist with anything that needs to be done there, as well.I finally get back to my comfortable little bungalow I take off my boots and crack me a cold beer/sI eventually drift off to a silent place Again, I open my eyes to déjà vu
Just a few words to put out there.Wherever “there” is ?I’m still learning about here.Wherever “here” is ?I hope you enjoy them.Whoever “You” are ?Because I’m sincere.Whoever “I” am ?
I walk alone against the skyMy eyes meet yours Message - Goodbye You shrug and turnI don’t ask whyI catch the windAway I flyI cannot say we did not tryFor if I did, it’d be a lieYour skin so softA lover’s dreamA warmth forsakenA place unseen Golden hair Flowing down I feel my smileBecome a frown From far awayI blow a kissYou use your shield Again I missFor this reason We must partFor in this gameThere is no heart
One last tie
I told myself a hundred timesOne last tie, I’m down to one last tie.Another chance, forgive myself and keep an open account.One time I had fifty, but now I’m down to one last tie.Why do I continue to live like this ?....Wearing the same old tie.I ask myself this question, but I already know the answer. It’s time to do what i must do.I hope I find what I’m looking for And the patterns I need.I’m all out of living with one last tie.I will never succeed with one last tie.