I wander down the memory lane Barefoot, slow-dancing to no tune Humming my incoherent poems Trying to mend them For, they always seem broken Like me I find solace dwelling there Feeling home Within the places cracked open Writhing within the shackles of greys
Bonjour, you ungrateful human! I know maybe it's too late but better late than never, right?
So, how have you been? How has life been? Must have been good, right? Why else would you forget me so easily. I mean, tell me one thing. Not for once do you miss me?
Okay. I got it. You don't, maybe. But I do. A lot. Even yesterday as you passed by me and didn't even lay your eyes on me to see through my dried soul, foolish me ran down the memory lane and found solace in recollecting the forbidden moments that I had so long kept hidden behind locked doors of regrets.
Our first meeting was on the 30th of December 2014, around 7 o'clock in the busy evening. 6:57 pm, to be precise. The local supermarket down the road? Yeah, that was the place. I was busy in one corner, lost in my thoughts and out of the blue, someone pushed me hard. One moment I was hearing a fake 'oops' and the next moment, I was lying on the floor, flat on my chest. Nobody even looked at me once and went on unbothered. And then a gorgeous pair of ocean blue eyes were staring down at me with a concern I never knew the human race could ever show. You picked me up with your tender hands and guess what? That day itself I knew there had to be a connection between us. A glorious one.
That year ending and New Year I found a strange bliss in watching the fireworks with you. I saw the twinkle in your eyes every time the sky lit up with a plethora of coloured smoke, but more than that, how you tightly gripped me with every deafening sound, made me feel the patent nervousness that you were hiding behind your stretched smile of ostentatious excitement. Wasn't I lucky to be the only one to know your honest reveries? Or was I mistaken?
Our third encounter was your birthday. When you were disappointed that no one had remembered to even wish you, I was so dying to tell you about the surprise all were planning. But I waited till the evening to see that quietly comforting stunned gleam in your eyes. You knew I don't like parties and so you asked me to wait in your room till the celebrations were over. Just as my patience started needing a refill, you came back and shared every detail of how your remarkable evening passed. How you dodged the flying cake and blinding snow spray and survived through the painfully unsynchronized birthday song, how you regretted your morning disappointment, how you faked a power cut to make all guests leave, and how in that darkness you remembered that your mom and dad's last wish before their accident was throwing you the best 18th birthday party the world had ever seen. Every single detail was stirring emotions in me that I never knew existed. Or was that a misconception too?
Few days later, college began. You told me how a miserable introvert like you was making weird new friends, how much you liked bunking classes with them and making prank calls to the Principal, how much the Professor hated you for not payimg attention in class yet scoring the highest. I listened to everything sincerely. Your exams came and I got to know how you recreated the blockbuster Hindi film 3 Idiots' paper-jumbling scene to help all late submissions. No doubt after that you were crowned with the title of Popular-Introvert-turned-College-President. Even you got a fair share of female fans all over the college. I was not even a bit jealous. Or was I?
Your responsibilities started piling up and so did my expectations. With your uncanny hesitation and reasonably false excuses in spending time with me, I felt a distance growing between us. But I ignored the silly thoughts. And I was wrong to do so. Cause then one day, you left. Just as bizarrely as you had entered my life. No late night talks, no sneaky library meetups, no Sunday binge watching, no honest sparkle in your eyes, no frank confessions. I had known something was slightly wrong since the day you chose to make friends with an emotionless me, but your actions made me gradually realize my stupidity in believing that I too could have a happy ending. See how you manipulated me?
But I finally realised you used me. Used me to forget the tiring days and the restless nights. Used me when you needed someone and had none. Used me so you could glow with a novel vibrance that people love you for nowadays. Your eyes were ocean blue, but who knew I was drowning like the Titanic as your iceberg of cold-blooded forgery of fervour hit my benign soul.
And since the day, I was always left blank when I saw you. Blank, cause you stopped sharing your emotions with me. Blank, cause you stopped filling my pages with ink blots and tear drops. Blank, cause I was just a diary, untouched with the soothing strokes of your bleeding pen.
It has been 12 months since you have left. Left me. Left us. Maybe you won't need me ever again. But you are my 'Forever Yours'and my tragedy will pacify unloved humans with promises that they are not the lone losers in the game of love. I will always stand by them and wet my pages with their tears of not living a happily-ever-after, just like I didn't.
Till your last breath and till the last of my breadth.
Forever Yours, Miss Diario. (My name as you like in Spanish? But do you even remember this?)
......................................................................... Pre Script~ Autumn's beloved loved colours!❣️
AUTUMN TURNED GREY, JUST TO COLOUR HER BELOVED, WHO ABONDENED HER TO STARY!
Now, He wanders among the seasons To find someone who could love him like her.
Winter froze his blood, Summer burned his skin, Rain contaminated his soul, And spring stabbed in his heart, with the thorns hidden behind the flowers!
She was the most beautiful season, With crimson, lilac, emerald sprinkled in the cosmos all around. But she knew, Her love loved colours His love for colours and her love for him was no less profound.
So she decided to gift him it all. All the hues that she possessed. Just to have a glance at that crimson curve on his lips. She showered it all, In forms of beautiful petals, flowers and leaves of million shades!
She turned tintless, And so did his love. He never knew that she sacrificed it all just for him, So he decided to leave and search beauty in some other season.
#self_realization We often see dark clouds in the sky but seldom notice the shine of water which it bears...We don't know it's real beauty- the shine of rain untill it actually rains!!! And it is referred to as 'a gloomy thing'....
But does the cloud laments for that?? Perhaps not!! Because it knows it's own potential....
It is hard for me to stay In the same place for long So I look for stories in people. it is easier than trying to find a home in them. you can start with a line, filling every space with more metaphors.
I ended up building These cities made out of words of all the strangers that I can't remember faces and names are easy to forget but stories stay
and I leave a slight melancholy behind. maybe you feel it too on the curls around the pages of your favorite book, you keep coming back to or around the edges of the words; a subtle sadness, even if it's a happy ending. it's the death of a writer who left this world, to build new ones.
but you always stay, in this made up realities to fell something. I hope you know what you're looking for. it is easy to get lost in the smile of a stranger (or a writer who doesn't want to stay)
maybe you feel like you are made out of all these words as if every word, every line, every space every corner and every full stop telling your story, telling every deep dark secrets you always wanted to shout out. as if we've known each other for a lifetime; so you find a home in a world I've built
but don't wait for me
I don't exist in places or in people. I dwell in stories and I die with them.
blind love with closed eyes is pretty you are enveloped in a pretty picture painted with your own brush if the colors splash across you open your eyes you're out of the picture back into the shady lanes of life but blind love with open eyes is deadly because there's no option to wake up there's no choice you're doomed there's no escape the love haunts you you knew all along what you did you had your eyes wide open you made every choice there's no one but you to blame there's only resignation and emptiness and nothing else