"If one day I lose my way,will you leave me?"

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  • withlove_malini 87w

    I'm I not broken enough for you?
    Should I shatter myself to a million peices to make you understand I feel crushed like golden sand in the depths of your hand?.
    Should I paint myself red like the Dawn sun for you to notice?
    Will the bottled pills that rest on my nightstand remind you of what I've overcome?.

    You know what?
    I'm too tired to make you care anymore.
    I'm past this.
    I'm past you.

  • withlove_malini 87w

    Sometimes I feel so independent.
    Like I need no validation to soar up in the sky and to feel the wind beneath my wings.
    But most days I surround myself with a black cloud over my head.
    As I fade into nothingness in a crowded room,
    alone,afraid and shattered,
    I let my dark thoughts creep in.
    With every insecurity,every blemish of my soul, like a bump underneath my flesh.
    Poking out to let the world know,
    that I'm just held together by this loose skin.
    And I think to myself...
    "How much longer?"

  • withlove_malini 93w

    I just don't want to exist anymore.
    I want to be the stardust that glows over the horizon and not be this vulnerable.
    For once in my life I want to be light in everyone's life rather than be the darkness.

  • withlove_malini 97w

    Random thought

    What if I found my soulmate at a wedding.
    Only he was the one getting married,
    And I was just a guest.
    What then? .

  • withlove_malini 126w

    I feel like I have no control over my life.
    I can't even breathe.
    I close my eyes and all I can think is..
    Should I just end it?.
    This life filled with misery and unhappiness.
    The sad part in all of this is,
    I'm afraid of myself.
    I'm afraid of what I would do to myself.
    What if I'm not as strong as I thought?

  • withlove_malini 128w

    I just realised something.

    I'm so imperfect.

    I gained a few kilos over two months.
    Truth be told my friend did warn me.
    "I heard antidepressants make you fat."
    She said.
    To which I replied,
    "Being fat is much better than finding yourself holding a blade in your hand, and staring at your thighs in the middle of the night".

    My parents seem too worried about my weight.
    Don't get me wrong, they are the best parents a child can dream of, and they do mean it in a good way.
    But my illness makes me feel like it's a huge fault.
    I look at my skinny cousin and wonder
    'why can't I be that thin?'

    But a few minutes ago as I was taking my meds, I realised.

    It's okay.
    I may be fat to many people.
    I may be ugly to others.
    I may be loud or silent,
    Calm or annoying.

    I may fall down,
    Do dumb shit,
    Be disappointed and
    Broken to peices.

    But I'll always find a way back.

    I'm so perfectly imperfect.
    A beautifully sculpted mess.
    I am human.
    I am enough.


  • withlove_malini 128w

    Sometimes you don't have to have your shit figured out.
    Gained a little weight? Rock it!
    Nothing going according to plan? Fuck it!

    Sometimes you just need to stop,take a deep breath and say..
    "I ain't gonna do shit"


  • withlove_malini 128w

    Hey guys,
    So I've been very vocal about my struggles with depression. And many of you guys have helped me in so many ways you may not understand.
    Im so happy to tell you that I'm getting back to myself again.
    Pain has taught me a lot of things.
    The major lesson was never to judge a person, they might be going through a lot of struggles of their own.

    "In a world where you can be anything, be kind."

    As I'm recovering, I got myself a tattoo. Now I know many of you guys maybe against tattoos but I wanted to let you guys know the story behind my tattoo.

    Everytime I felt low or started crying or wanted to cut myself , I used to open my phone. The lockscreen of my phone was the quote "Nevertheless, She persisted". Everytime I looked at it, it gave me a certain strength, I could handle one more day because I am strong and that quote reminded me of that. So when I got back to myself again, I got it tattooed, because it's a reminder of what I've overcome, and that whatever comes my way I will face it with courage,humour and strength.

    No matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again. I wanted you guys to know that. You may think life is so hard,and it's always against you. But all of it is just temporary. Believe in yourself. You will rise again.

    "Nevertheless,She persisted"
    Nevertheless,I will persist.

    For all of you who don't know my story,
    Check out these hashtags.
    I've written my story in different parts, starting with the one titled 'I have depression'.


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  • withlove_malini 128w

    Now I see the light,
    It shines so bright,it leaves me blind.
    I wonder where it's been the past few months,
    When I craved its presence more than anything in this world.
    Now it's here and I'm finally free.
    All the demons inside me slowly perish as the light burns their skin.
    I am not the same anymore,
    Because pain makes you a different.
    I am different.
    I am reborn.

  • withlove_malini 129w

    My body held a funeral for my mind yesterday.
    Every memory that I ever created,came to the ceremony.
    Anger, showed up and stayed till the very end.
    Sadness, came by to meet it's best friend.
    Pity, filled the room with it's unwanted presence.
    but happiness, a long lost friend was nowhere to be seen.

    As my mind starts to rot,
    Craving emotions, like a diver craves air,
    I lay there,restless, desperate to find a way to break free.
    But my demons are watching...
    And I can't do anything as they choke everything that I once loved to death.
    Now I understand, why happiness never arrived.