Help me please!!!! There you were with those puppy eyes, and in that moment I knew you will be an apocalypse to my stagnant life. Hi. Prarthana here. And I’ll tell you a story. Because people love to hear one. Especially those stories where a boy and a girl meet and fall in love. I have always been this child in school who would sit on the first bench. And something’s never change. So I am in college and I’m still on the first bench. Or as millennial call it, I have always been a nerd but I never felt any different about it. I was content in my own happy world consisting books, family, coffee and me. 12th September. How precisely I remember this date. I sat there. And then you entered through that gate. A chiseled body with a smile that can make a hardest metal (tungsten btw) melt. Violins in my head suddenly went hoarse. I came back to my reality. You are a nerd. But then you approached me that evening because you had difficulty with a topic because nerd are a rarity in a college. And people tend to have a radar for them. Help me please. You said. And violins went mellifluous again. Days went by. Our chats shifted from studies to cinema, politics and everything under the sun. And then 3rd October came. You asked me to be your girlfriend. And I went numb. Maa always said Purse yours happiness. So I did. I said yes. And then this nerd in the college was in a relationship with the boy who had let girls all drilling over him! You know if you’ll remove those specs you’ll look more beautiful. You said days later. So I did. Got those contacts after pleading in front of parents for days. Because beauty is all about your looks right? I see how treat your girlfriends. Girl friends who probably smell food. Beachside their waists is just like a middle of an hour glass. And as I look into the mirror, I see a big pear staring back. So I start dieting. Only for you. I try to avoid all those fat foods which used to be my only companion during my hard days because I never had friends. Because when in love, you need to look like you deserve that hot boy? Right? Then you gifted me the skimpy dress on my birthday. To the one who has lived her whole life in jeans and t-shirt. But I wore them. Only for you. You know I have a surprise, you whispered in the class. Me a hopeless romantic, expecting chocolates and teddies. But you here we are standing in front of a shady hotel. And I know in my heart of hearts what this means. But people in relationship have to get physical? Right? That’s what they show in movies. When two bodies entwined in love and passion, dipped with a tinge of sighs, symbolize how epic the story gets. But what they don’t show or underline is the fact that, it demands consent. And I never remember you asking for it. The first time you took me in that room locking my hands amidst the cushions and licking my face off, inching towards the waistline and sleeping over the unbuttoned skirt I was putting on all that was running through my mind were the awkward fingers pressing my edges and my skin reluctant to surrender. But I gave in. you smiled at me and whispered with a smooch. TRUST ME ITS NOT A BIG DEAL.IT WILL STRENGTHEN OUR LOVE EVEN MORE. THE VULNERABLE GIRL WHO WAS A SUCKER FOR PROMISES AND FAIRYTALE FUTURE GAVE IN.CLOSING MY EYES AND LETTING YOU TAKE THE LEAD.ON BED.OVER MY LIFE SOON. You said talking to any other friend of mine, keeps you concerned .i left every single one who were there on my life. You said the girl that the girl who left her earing in the car was just another stranger you gave lift to. I agreed without a do. The marks on my skin grew darker, but the love eventually started fading. From my side. I spent nights asking to talk to you once and you slept keeping me on wait. I called you at times I needed help and you denied getting into my problems. I could see a paradox blooming in front and I had no way to escape. But yes you read it right I wanted to escape. Your love felt like a choking cage now. And me a mere claustrophobic. So then the last night you dragged me in to your room and kissed me saying I LOVE YOU I gathered all my courage to utter those words I DON’T. because the trauma I was facing ever single day the toxicity that now shattered my living the innocent girl that once fell for you was exhausted. And beyond all limits. Taken for granted. Abuses. And molested. I was done chasing you on my emotional hiccups. I was done giving myself to you for your adrenaline rush and sexual pleasures. I found solace on days we didn’t meet . I was afraid to see you the other day and refuse you for another date. I felt like this relationship is turning out to be a mistake instead of the most perfect decision I thought it to be. I looked at maa saw the way she teaches me to stand for what’s right. No matter if that involves breaking my heart. And then I met myself for the first time, while leaving you for an eternity of questions. Questions that how could this timid girl gain courage to leave a man like me? How does a girl decide to refuse when I ask her to get into her clothes? Sending this letter and an answer to those. YES a girl can choose herself over you when you stop deserving her!!
He was trying to get rid of what we had. I was pacing closer to make it even stronger than what exists. But then tunes of his silences and my questions, slowly started to make noises. In our comfortable chats worth hours, somewhere, awkwardness creeped in, the moment i choose to speak less. I was so into 'US' that, I hardly noticed,that on days when i talked less, we talked less. On the days when i wanted to listen more of him ,the call durations shortened gradually. It was as if,we had love, we cared,but something kept bothering amidst all our moments.One thing does remain constant. The calls before we fell asleep. Regardless of how busy we both were, we never let anything affect that one beautiful habit we had. Or I should say,the one habit that perhaps,bonds us together.
Okay its getting late. Lets sleep. Goodnight. Love you. "He said" Sure? I interrupted as he was about to cut the call. I didnt get you, What? Sure? that you love me? I gathered courage. You need to ask this!Obviously yes. He laughed Or is it that you already had enough. That your heart is now not willing to hold on to me anymore? I had kept things in mind, noticing. And i wanted to ask it all clearly.
Mark your words. This is going too much now, isn't it? You now what you are to me. He was distubed. Then why do you try pushing me away these dys? why does the person who waited for my phone calls every 2 hours now forgets to check if I texted? There is something thats bothering you and I need to know. I kept talking , because , the only thing between i was confident about was understanding. We could talk about anything and get it sorted over a long phone call. We would fight. We would argue. We would even shed tears. But then always end up laughing... ALWAYS??????
Yes sometimes there. But its okay if i didnt share it to you. why is it a big deal? i would have told you once i would figure it out how to deal with it myself! He was a bit annoyed , restless. Its important. if its about us you cant keep it to yourself and exploit upon your own peace. Because in the end its affecting us
I will be leaving mumbai next week . He said and a pause followed . I always knew that it would move out of my city, he wanted to shift to his hometown. And i also knew that it would happen soon. But you see even if you know the truth no matter how many times you have rehearsed that moment when reality sets in finally, it hits you harder than you ever imagined.
And you know things wouldnt remain the same. We would never know when we meet next. So I cant figure out what to do. About us. About you . He kept talking. We will try. We will manage and stay the same ant the wait to meet after months or perhaps , years, would be worth it . Trust me I tried
See we will never get this certainity. Nevermind, we have a week to decide . Lets sleep now. Goodnight He said and disconnected the call.. I was just holding on to a fluttering butterfly knowing that if i close my fist it would choke to death.And if i set it free it would never come back, maybe. Our relationship on verge of breakinng up, was becoming the fragile butterfly . Terrified on the idea of long distance. Does distance actually breaks us apart. Or do some fairytales , really come true???
I feel like a child's favorite toy. The one thrown against a wall pretending it can fly. The one whose button is pushed over and over to hear it's sound, Until it can't talk anymore, hardly able to make a sound. The toy cuddled and smashed under their small body every night. "Protecting" them from the monsters under the bed. The favorite toy they hold by the arm, They drag it behind them wearing it out until the arm may fall off. The one that is *****, but you can tell it was loved. The toy that sits alone on a shelf for years on end. Who collects dust untouched because the child has grown. The one who has no purpose but to make people smile. The toy that is so used and abused they say it has "character". The toy no new child wants because it to worn. They don't want it for it can't last much longer. It needs new batteries, and a trip through the wash. It needs to be stitched up in more places than one. The toy that no longer has a purpose, But that only makes it need more love. Someone to love itself. But who could love something so worn and mangled. So it sits alone on that shelf. Collecting dust, unseen, unrecognized. I am that toy. The one with no purpose. The one on the shelf. Unseen, unrecognized, unloved.
Ek Pahal Rishtey Ki Ore Suno…. Suno na! Kuch tum badlo, kuch hum badle.. Aur badalke is rishte ko dher sara pyar dete hain… ! Chalo na, waqt rehte iss rishtey ko sawaar lete hain Jo galtiya tumne ki hain, jo galtiya maine ki hain! Sath baithke aaj unhe sudhar lete hain.. Chalo na, waqt rehte iss rishtey ko sawaar lete hain.. Pyar tumko bhi hai, pyar humko bhi hai ! Aao iss baat ko mann se sweekar lete hain! Chalo na waqt rehte Iss rishte ko sawaar lete hain.. Thoda tum mujhe samajh lo, thoda main tumhe samjh lu! Aur kaaran is takraar ka jaan lete hain! Chalo na, waqt rehte iss rishtey ko sawaar lete hain.. Yun to tum bhi kuch vaayede krte ho, or main bhi krti hu! Aao aaj us wayede ka dil se aitbar krte hain.. Chalo na waqt rehte iss rishtey ko sawaar hain…. Please chalo na…… Waqt rehte iss rishtey ko sawaar lete hain!♥️
There's a flower in my heart That wants to grow In a tender blossom In soil of rage The seed planted In a caged heart Of a raging flower bed Where no flowers grow Only to hide from The sternum fire Put out the fires The seed will break Breathing serenity Let the flower grow From wasteful anguish To a warm side The fire burns Then lingers down The flower breaks the head Of its hot soil Feels the air in bliss Time elapses Into flames The flower to ashes And the hot winds Of my tomorrows Like winds in a sauna Blow the flames Making them infinite
It seems in this day and age everybody expects so much of everything, and it all seems to be a disappointment. They are either too afraid of being disappointed, or expect the disappointment. Its like nothing is good enough. Its like entitlement to the best lies within our veins.
But maybe the best isn't what we need, or honestly in the end what we really want.
Every young person is expected to go to college, to be educated, to get a degree and then get large amounts of money and get the acceptance of those who expected so much of them. Maybe if we stop expecting so much we wouldn't have such hard burns from falling down the steep ice hill that is the "American Dream". And who says you need to want that anyway?
Expectations are an unfathomable dream in itself. I dream of a world of peace and everyone getting to do what they wish and all people mind their own business and hurt no one else. But some people wish to be better than others, to win, even to hurt others. There is no such thing as perfect, and no expectation will be perfectly met.
What if we just dreamed but took life as it was and be thankful for every left turn to happiness that rights all the wrongs? The light in the world, the dreams, are not real without the darkness. We try to shun it, to put the bad part of the world in a constructed part, name it the shadowy place we must never go. But the shadows are everywhere, and they tend to cut deeper when you refuse to see them.
Expect nothing, but hope. Hope things will get better. Expectations can be ruined. Hope can be everlasting if you keep your heart just that; hopeful. Expectations are specific and are therefore begging to be broken. But hope? Hope is a broad mist in a dark world, that can endure all the disappointments because it can change with time.
Hope is the greatest thing one can do to combat those expectations they may not fulfill; it is the one thing keeping ships afloat and religions alive and life from death.
Hope is a superpower not even expectations can take from you.
I saw the branches shadow the branches that was blocking the harsh sun I look down people surrounding me seem to ignore the shadows but I didn't I kneel down to look closely It shadow branches starts to move, i'm startled It was only the breeze of the wind There were less people now on the sidewalk I sat down A scene began to play on the floor I seen a bird that was perching on the tree I saw squirrels fighting for nuts I saw a butterfly land on one of the branches I even saw a lion What?....
I immediately look up It wasn't there, i was intensely relax I started to feel the cold in the air I pull my jacket closely around me I finally look down at the sidewalk the branches were gone the show was over it was night time I got up from my spot and placed a dollar on one of the branches and as I began to leave I anticipated what the next show was going to be.
A true uninvited guest I don't remember ticking that square Asking to be born on this circle
Desperately in need of a sense of humor Why you always so serious? I was conversing with my creator Humorously asked to be born I was definitely intoxicated because Nobody in their right mind asks to be torn Name one person that asked to be born? We should all get a say in this democratic world Add a suggestion box in our Dreamworld Expected to shut up and behave as we crumble
Nor the tortoise in this race Nor the rabbit Born on the 10th but my destiny said 12 You put my mother through misery you gave her pain Stitched her up then did it again Through 11 miscarriages you're INSANE If I was the rose then you were the THORN Sometimes I wish you were the mirror So I could SMASH you to pieces Like you smashed her HOPES and DREAMS I reported this crime to God, but he never answered So it's you who will hear my SCREAMS
You gave her the task to pick up bits and pieces Of her UNBORN children, you crossed all creases BLOOD on her hands TEARS in her eyes EMPTINESS in her heart And you tried to fill her void with ME in your cart? Oh sweetheart, you gave her nothing but a bleeding heart Instead of a son you should've gave her a gun
My heart broke ONCE, I was never the same She went through 11 heartbreaks and you are to BLAME You gave her hope then took it away I'm guessing for you it was just child's play
Do you even have feelings? She was rich like Escobar in the amount of pain she was dealing I wish I was Thor so I could strike you down Rip away your FALSE crown
Rest in peace life, you're DEAD now
You set a bar of expectations I was expected to behave in a certain way Given my unique foundation
In her eyes the golden child Longed to be free lived like a slave My goals and dreams were always on the last page I was always a bad actor on their stage
Expected to rise like a wave but I fell Expected to be the son of her dreams, On that thought I dwell Years add on, expectations pile It's false to expect gold Whilst molding iron Worthless, rusty and old
Life is funny but it's not a joke Funny is fate Expected to walk through the golden gate Destined to win, suddenly checkmate