Have you ever seen the ship without the harbour? It Swim on the ocean and wither completely. Today it seems like I am in the ocean like this ship Trying to anchor so that i can take respite. And exhale all the soot and burnt carbon. I see you like a star smiling resplendently and shining as bright as the pole star. But i can't breathe 'cause i dont know how to swim in the sea of Vexed thoughts And hullabaloo figments. I can't reach your sky oh! dear.
You kept calling out my names. But my hand you see, Wish i can reach you. Upon the dead cloud my tears lay Without the sunshine it rained. Nefarious premonition grasp my trachea, Blocking me, choking 'me'. I hear epitaph of the lost 'me'.
I had only one star shining and guiding That was you, my world a ajar of closed ones Now that you are drifting away slowly But surely my sky won't be having stars And woud be devoid of any light. 'Twas about that time that you leave. I knew one day it would happen. And my world surely would then split asunder.
You will probably be light years far to even hear about my annihilation Let alone shedding some tears. I am expecting too much It's a 'thing of beauty' to cherish the stars The love at times is limited admiration Whilst, why will you care about worlds? I was just one of them.
I am the stop you halted, Oh! your stay, oh !your chitter chatters, Echoing in my valley seem so profound This may seem insignificant But for those like me they're magnificent A mellifluous scribbled symphony, Fettered my bridled angst to peace. I have been lucky indeed, I can't hold you More, upon dusk you have to leave. But your memories eloped my heart. That stays forever with you. Alas! i know you wouldn't care. I was among the many halts you took.
The turbulent ocean that you wished to cross And willed to reach the other side of shore. Your entrusted me and my small boat Ah! Your serene visage when I saw I looked at the moon then your face I couldn't distinguish it was so alike. Escorting you to the world of yours The elapsed time a memento to me. I would take away that to my home And will sing ballad out of it The love indeed lived, even though it was Nascent journey but intermittent in my memory. I know you won't care I was among the many boatsman.
Wishes are feelings untrue true, Love in my heart never faded I will be the same for you Same world, same boatman And same halt. If you need me Just take my name again.
Jaan nisar - devoted
Javaaz - justified
Bazm e Jana - closed ones
Ulfat - love
Noor e Qamar- light of the moon
Ru e noor - light from her
Furqat - devoid of love/lovers
Muhafazat- protection (husband's muhafazat- )
"ru e noor ka jo tera faraaz hai" and "qalb veraan me ishq ka aghaaz h" credit of this line goes to @muslimah_
"Once upon a time...", I looked deep the blue ink drying out of my quill, there was just no story to concoct. I gazed out of my window unto the dark hazy sky flooded with dark clouds hardly I could witness the moon.
Tring tring tring...The phone rang breaking the silence.I turned back transfixed at the red Beetle phone screaming at top of it's voice and then after sometime the stark susurration lingered. That silence was beautiful I took my quill and dipped in the ink and rose up to wet my drying larynx. I gulped the cold water I felt shiver dancing in my gut, the clock struck 00:00 with the thud. "Open the door", there was continuous banging on the door I left the half finished glass of water on the slab and treaded cautiously towards the door holding the sword I had that belonged to my father, I didn't believe in fairy tales when he used to acquaint me with the over the top tales , "son, this dagger belonged to the patron of the Eagles".
I had no idea about the eagles or falcons whenever my father blabbered their tales, I took out the sword from it's sheath and opened the door, a cloaked lady with the attire that was wierd to me collapsed in my arms , her veil dropped revealing her face to my surprise the clouds parted away giving ways for the glistening moon to shine, so was her face. "my name is Claudia, Oh son of Salem, you are the chosen one, wield your sword and face it to the moon", I didn't get to the details and didn't think apt to question a half dying beautiful lady, perhaps. "Now", she nodded. And the white pangs of light struck me I felt pain as if my skin was being scraped away. All I remembered was standing between ten fifteen dead men and Claudia smiling at me and thousand of questions striking my mind to be answered.
There are times when I pick up my phone and dial your number, but fall short of words when I am just about to call. There are times when I try listening our old song, but just when it starts playing, I take my earphones off. There are times when I look at the sky and wonder how beautiful the stars were when you were around.
I know you keep asking yourself, or may be stopped asking yourself why we didn't work out. But trust me, it wasn't you. You were right every way, right from the start of spring to the end winter, you were the perfect one all through. It was me, it still is me. You were a boon, you probably were like a rainbow but I wasn't the rain you thought I was. I was like the storm that blows of houses. I could win a war against rest of the world with only you on my side, but the war I was fighting was with my own self. I know there are nights when you stare at the ceiling and wonder what went wrong, and trust me I do the same. But for all I know is I was tired of looking myself at the mirror and hate myself a little more every passing day, for not being able to love you the way you deserve. I couldn't continue putting you through all the miseries everyday, I couldn't see you keep lying to our friends when they asked you if you are fine. I couldn't keep holding on to a love that I couldn't give back. I saw you were lose your faith in love, and honestly, I couldn't let it happen. I couldn't afford you to lose that shine on your face every time you read a love story. That is why I stepped aside.
I know your soul crushed into pieces to see years of efforts, compromises and love go in vain, but trust me I didn't want these years to last for a lifetime. And I am a coward, I don't have the courage to know how much I have hurt you, that is why I use backspace every time after dialing your number. I know you hate me, but I honestly don't want to know how much. Because in my very own ways I did care for you and no matter what I did, I always meant your good.
And no I am not defending myself, I never will. Not a single night goes by when I curse myself for being the way I am. But may be it is just that I don't have in me what it takes to love someone. I just wanted you to know that you deserved much more than someone who did not even have enough love for himself. And even if it is not love, I wouldn't hesitate to burn my soul in the darkest of hours just to see the smile on your face.